Reason 2,891 Why I love BudMan!!

Ay Yep , that's us and our friends!!! It was a Pimp and Ho party. Everyone flipped it except me. I guess I'm just a Ho a heart!! Can you guess witch one is BudMan?!!

There he is !!!!! My man didn't go as no high class Ho. No no, he went as a nasty South side, seven Eleven, dirty feet porno Ho!! And no that's not me , you bitches!!! But the Bunny does make a pretty girl huh? I'm down in front in pink.
Took me two days to cure that hangover and to shower!!!! I'm a little nasty myself.
I drink a Toast to my friends ( but really I'll drink to anything )
They are not afraid to put it all out there!!!!!!

Oh shit I forgot to tell you the best part.....BudMan has oranges with baby nipples taped to them for boobs!!!!

Christmas Cheer Is Not Here!!!

My life is going by to fast.
Where did all my little ones go?
No one believes in Santa ......except for the last........
And that's only for show!!!

My kids are spoiled
At times,even rotten
Oh what a coil...
Their to big to beat their bottom!!!!

I worry , I fret
I don't know what to get

The 16yr old wants a car.
The 12yr old wants to be a star
The 11yr old wants a horse
And the 9yr old wants everything of course!!!!

Remember the days when Christmas was new?
When you knew just what to do.

I remember the days when my babies were young
When Santa was real
And all the whistles and bells were rung
I knew how to just feel !!!

Find the perfect gift !!!!
I try
That's just a myth !!!
I cry

Brandy and egg nog , It's just what I need
A little bit of down time, just for me.
I'll read a book and drink a beer
I'll find that damn Holiday Cheer!!!!!

Happy Birthday!!!

Cheer Girl and LoveBug had a birthday yesterday.......16 and 11. Yes I guess we all know what I've got on my mind at least one time a year. Apparently I go into heat. When Cheer Girl told her friends that it was also her sisters birthday...they joked that they must be twins. Hmmmm..... Yes now that I think about it I was in labor for 5 years!!!!



Anyway.....I have some advice to tell you . If you are......thirty (cough) something......and have your 16yr old standing next to you , looking all BAM 20!!!!!..............people don't believe that your 29!!! Well let me tell you I AM!!!! Don't judge me.....you don't know ....maybe I was a really promiscuous girl!!

One more week!!

Just one more week and the babies will be done with football and cheer!!!
Yea!!!!! WOO WOO........... then all I have is the older girls. So things should calm down and I'll be able to post more. Oh and for all the RLF's .........don't try to tell me that I've actually had time to post I just chose to read instead!! I swear I've been SUPER busy!!! Honest..............would I lie to you?!!!!

McDonalds ??

I have a question for McDonald's. ....................Where's my effing ICE?!!!!
I mean COME ON. 5 fuckin cubes in a gallon of pop??? How the hell does this make sense?! I need ICE people!!! Get it off that carasol thingy and give me some ice . Is that to hard? Is ice to expensive? I got a great idea for you to make up the money....................quit using those "Checked Twice" stickers.........you ain't effing checking it twice!!!! You bunch of liars!!
God knows your making up money on the Sweet Tea. You got me all hooked on it......then jacked the price up........kinda like a drug dealer..................oh yea hehehe.........I just likened Micky Dees to a drug dealer!!!! He does kinda look like a dealer............all baggy pants.......hair everywhere....lipstick all on the OUTSIDE of your lips!! Always hanging out with kids and crackheads who steals?................(Hamburgler)........Hmmmm..........Actually he might have come in handy back in the day!
He even had the law on his side ...(Mayor McCheese) I don't know what the fuck Grimace is. I can only assume he was some sort of body guard!!
What the hell were these people on when they came up with those characters? I know it was the 70's ....but damn was everyone dropping acid ?

That's it .......I'm going to Burger King.......he knows how to treat a lady.
Have It Your Way?!!!...............You betcha I Will !!

COLD !!!!

It's effin COLD !!! It's in the 50s !!! I SAID 50s people !!!!!! My thin ass blood can't take it !! We turned off the air conditioner ,for gods sake !!!! I had to turn on the heater in my car this morning while taking the kids to school ! Shit I hate the cold !!!
Oh , OK I'll admit,I guess it's better than snow !!

NFL FLAG

Crazy???? Me?????

Driving down the road with all 4 kids in the car I realized I forgot to take my CHANTIX ( stop smoking) pill. And the following conversation ensued

ME--- "Shit I forgot to take my pill!!!"

Prince C--------"What pill Mama?"
before I could answer

Love bug-------------"Her crazy pills!!!!! Duh "

To witch my older girls thought was hilarious............till I told them Crazy runs in the family ...................hahaha whose laughing NOW?!

Out of the mouths of babes..........

It's Time to play "Mama I don't feel Good!!!"

I'm sure alot of you have played this game before. I'll be adding points and taking them away as we go along.

1. If you ask your child "Where does it hurt?" you get 50 points

1. If you tell your child "Shut up ,cant you see I'm on the phone ?" Subtract 50 points

If you diagnose the problem by

1. calling your mom..............25 pts
2. calling all your friends several times, throughout the night, for their opinion.....................50 pts
3. calling your doctor............................-50 (wheres the fun in that?)

When you hear the child gagging do you

1. Jump out of bed like a mad woman and run full tilt down the hall while holding child yelling "Hold IT!!!!! Hold IT!!!!! we're almost there!!!!!...................50 pts.
2. Roll back over and assume your spouse will take care of it...........-50 pts.Please like that will ever happen.
3. Bonus points if you thought ahead and had the puke bowl ready...............25 pts
4. if at 3 o'clock in the morning your scrubbing up a trail of puke from child's room to bathroom ...............-100 pts. You must be new to this game then.

We've tallied the score .Let me tell you what you've won!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3 days and 2 night all inclusive stay at the HOSPITAL!!!

And Because you .....or your Friends .......all agreed that the pain in the side wasn't normal you get and extra 11hrs straight stay in the emergency room. Where all you get to do is wait for the damn doctor and eavesdrop on any conversation around you!!!! Oh and lets not forget the very non-fat way of not having ANYTHING to eat all fucking day!!!

Little boys will be men!!!

I have given up our master bathroom to Bud Man about 3 yrs. ago. I didn't want to deal with cleaning after him. So now it's his bathroom and he can clean it!! The kids and I took the other bathroom. A system that seem to be working fine until..........Prince C decided to be a man.

This morning as the 3 girls and him are getting ready for school. Jockeying for position in front of the mirror.


" Has anyone seen my eyeliner?!" ( a sharpen eyeliner pencil is like gold in our house)

"Wheres the brush!!!!!" being yelled at the top of their lungs.

"That's mine!!!!"

(We have what I like to call the Hillbilly Intercom system in our house. When you want to talk to someone else in a different part of the house .....instead of going to the room they're in , you just yell at the top of your lungs.)

Prince C had swept the girls out so he could go pee........

There ,of course, is a bum rush of girls for the door when he finally emerges.

The door slams before he's barely out.

Sporty Girl comes back out yelling at Prince C " Get in there and clean the pee off the seat!!!!"

With a exasperated sigh he says "You need to learn to just deal with it!!!"

WTF??? Bud Man thought it was hilarious!!! Till I told him his son is going to be sharing his bathroom with him!!!!

Excuse Me

A lil' play on the old saying "your slip is showing"....I guess I didn't think anyone would get it if I didn't add that.............hmmmm........is my fuckin' age showing or what??

Pardon me mam .........your bitchiness is slipping .

I mean ......your slip is bitching................no no what I mean is your bitching is slipping..................awe shit .....

Your being a bitch!!!!

And friends......that's one of the nice voices in my head!!!

You'll all be happy to know that I have calmed down.....with the help of Tylenol PM.....and a few drinks............That's right I said a few drinks and it's after 12......... so don't judge me people!!!

Oh by the way.......Aunt Flo arrived.......surprised huh?

I'm P!$$ed Off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I'm so fuckin pissed I'm shaking. The asshole Mike at Allstate insurance co. has taken a dislike to me.Condescending bastard. We agreed on a price he said he just needed to talk to the highway patrol that recovered my car and arrested the punk that stole it. Talk to the officer???? What the fuck does he think these guys do??? If they talked to claim adjusters they wouldn't have time for anything else!!!! Dumb fuck!!! And he wants me to get the report for him!! Who's gonna do my job while I do his??!!! So I called the agent.....girl named Kristen.....she doesn't work in claims so she not sure whats going on.
I said -------You go find out and call me back.
Oh yea I had lots of other stuff to say. But I won't bore you with all the details. Bottom line I told Kristin to let me know what needed to be done.
All that was needed was the highway patrol report.
Then today I get a letter that was mailed out yesterday after he talked to Kristen..........He wants me to sign something giving him the right to look at all our financial statements , the right to search my property!!!!!!!!!! Cell phone records 2 days before and 2 days after the car was stolen!!!!!
What the fuck is wrong with this picture?????
Ummmmm maybe the fact that I'm the god-damn victim!!!!!!!
I called lil' Kristen back..............she was subjected to the full "I'm white trash and pissed off" talk!!!! She said she understood where I was coming from. Really!!!!! Really????!!!! I don't think so . I told her that I would only deal with her . I refuse to talk to him and if I had to be miserable dealing with that dickhead Mike she could be miserable with me.
She was very calming , said she would take care of it and call me back.
Well who the fuck wouldn't be calming with a crazy woman on the phone?!!!
Friends I'm not even going to try to find my happy Place until I simmer for awhile............shit I was feeling bitchy before all this happen Shit head Mike just gave me something to point my gun at!!!
And while Bud Man is pissed off too...... he is content to let me deal with them. He is such a non-confrontal person , while I'm gonna relish my righteous anger!!!!!
Fucking,Bastard,Dick Cheese,Mike from Allstate!!!!!!!!


Btw .........when the fuck did gonna become a word ??? I just noticed it went by spell check!!

Man or Potato Head?????

A few years ago Bud Man was coaching Sporty Girls softball team and one of the the Single Moms had a crush on him. She was always touching his arm or sitting next to him with her hand on his leg.
Now you don't know this , but Bud Man is quite shy. He gets that deer in-the-headlights look and freezes. It makes him very uncomfortable when anyone other then me touches him. My friend Tami and I found this absolutely hilarious!! We'd sit in the bleachers and watch the exchange. Or we'd be at the house having some after game drinks and she'd corner him on the couch or something. It got to where he wouldn't sit unless he knew where she was. Oh man ......................I love to see him squirm.
One day we were sitting in the bleachers and she turns to me and says

SMom----"What a good father Bud Man is."

Me------I just raise one eyebrow

SMom----- "Does he have a brother?" She says half joking but I knew she was half serious.

Me-------"Yes he does ........he's nothing like Bud Man ."

Smom----(sighs)------" I wish I could find a man like that."

Me------- I'm thinking.........Well maybe you should look somewhere other than the bar. That doesn't seem to be working for you.

Smom--------"You just don't know how LUCKY you are. "

Me---------"Luck!!! Luck???? Bitch........Do you think he came out of the box that way?!!!! Hell no !! Do you think I just found him walking around like this !! It's like a Mr. Potato Head ......if you can find a blank potato your in luck...snatch that bitch up!!!! Don't let that get away from you 'cause they are few and far between....especially the older you are!!! Most of them aren't blank you have to take all the shit his mother and ex-girlfriend....or god forbid an ex-wife did, and get rid of all that , then start putting your own shit back on. You can't do it all at once or he'll topple over. And you'll have to find a new Potato . You have to do it gradually so he doesn't even know it's there......that's why it takes years!!! And maybe.............just maybe, if your really lucky................. it'll stick!!!!"

Bud Man, I know you secretly read my blog so just know that....................that's NOT what I did !!..........I just said that to her . Really.
I knew you where already perfect when I met you. I was just trying to get her to lay off........I said it all for you.



Is he gone??.............Did he buy it???? Phew that was close!!!!