Monday, September 22, 2008

Man or Potato Head?????

A few years ago Bud Man was coaching Sporty Girls softball team and one of the the Single Moms had a crush on him. She was always touching his arm or sitting next to him with her hand on his leg.
Now you don't know this , but Bud Man is quite shy. He gets that deer in-the-headlights look and freezes. It makes him very uncomfortable when anyone other then me touches him. My friend Tami and I found this absolutely hilarious!! We'd sit in the bleachers and watch the exchange. Or we'd be at the house having some after game drinks and she'd corner him on the couch or something. It got to where he wouldn't sit unless he knew where she was. Oh man ......................I love to see him squirm.
One day we were sitting in the bleachers and she turns to me and says

SMom----"What a good father Bud Man is."

Me------I just raise one eyebrow

SMom----- "Does he have a brother?" She says half joking but I knew she was half serious.

Me-------"Yes he does ........he's nothing like Bud Man ."

Smom----(sighs)------" I wish I could find a man like that."

Me------- I'm thinking.........Well maybe you should look somewhere other than the bar. That doesn't seem to be working for you.

Smom--------"You just don't know how LUCKY you are. "

Me---------"Luck!!! Luck???? Bitch........Do you think he came out of the box that way?!!!! Hell no !! Do you think I just found him walking around like this !! It's like a Mr. Potato Head ......if you can find a blank potato your in luck...snatch that bitch up!!!! Don't let that get away from you 'cause they are few and far between....especially the older you are!!! Most of them aren't blank you have to take all the shit his mother and ex-girlfriend....or god forbid an ex-wife did, and get rid of all that , then start putting your own shit back on. You can't do it all at once or he'll topple over. And you'll have to find a new Potato . You have to do it gradually so he doesn't even know it's there......that's why it takes years!!! And maybe.............just maybe, if your really lucky................. it'll stick!!!!"

Bud Man, I know you secretly read my blog so just know that....................that's NOT what I did !!..........I just said that to her . Really.
I knew you where already perfect when I met you. I was just trying to get her to lay off........I said it all for you.

Is he gone??.............Did he buy it???? Phew that was close!!!!


sista #2 said...

I don't think he read a word of it!!!!!!


The Incredible Woody said...

Of course he bought it - he was trained by you, right??

Tami said...


Big Hair Envy said...

TOO FUNNY! I don't think I would have been as kind to her as you were....

Anonymous said...


Grandma J said...

That is the funniest analogy I have ever heard! But, it's kind of true. I mean the more women who have had a hand in the indoctrination process, the harder it is to mold them.'s so hard to get rid of.
Women who handle your husband....not so hard to get rid of, if you know what I mean.

I didn't say that, nope, not me.

Bahama Shores Mama said...

Absofuckinglutely Potato Head!

PinkPiddyPaws said...

He wasn't fooled! He's just not saying anything because he knows it's TOTALLY true. :)

Janie said...

That's hilarious, Keeper!

And done good, dude. Keeper is a keeper!

(PS - I left dog training tips after your comment on my blog.)

My Metabolic Rate is Stuck said...

lmao !!! SO WISE AND SO TRUE!!

HappyHourSue said...

My potato came with extra hats and noses.

You really keep your calm - I'd be all "back the f&*K up, bee-yotch."

Snooty Primadona said...

Hmmm... I don't take kindly to women who say things like that to me about my hubby. I'm afraid I would have had to hurt her. However, I usually reply with "You want him? Hey, if you can get him then you can have him." I always get stares like I'm a madwoman loose on the streets. The way I see it is... I spoil the crap out of my man (as you probably do as well) and there's no way he's leaving me for some other soccer mom. Hehehehehe... Just let 'em try. Either way, I'll be happy.

Bex said...

You know what? This was hilarious. And it was also SO true! It's the perfect line, "You think he came out of the box this way?!"

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

LOL! I love this potato metaphor. I've never heard it put quite that way before, but you've pretty much hit the nail right on the head...the potato head, that is!