You rarely get to say

I hope the dog just farted!!!

And really mean it!!!!

Otherwise I've got a funky Oder haunting me like a shadow !!!! (and yes you bitches I showered!!!!!)
Just a whiff here and there.
I've looked ..........and looked
and sniffed...........and sniffed.

Can't find anything..........

WTF??????

The dog can take the hit for this one.
'Bout time she earned her keep.

Cancerous Toast

So......I lost my lighter.............and I have no matches.
I think for all of you that smoke you know what that means...............................
Yep.............
Don't eat the toast at my house....
It's cancerous.

Have you ever.................

Have you ever put tape on the bottom of the cats paws and then just laugh your ass off ??
What ???.................No????
Yea I would never do that either!!!

Calm down!!! I said I wouldn't do that!!!!
Jeesh those Cat People are pushy !!!! (Not like I threaten them with a riding lawnmower.....Life in Matthews)

Have you ever showed up at a Birthday Party (after carefully considering whose going to be there) with a re gifted gift ?????????

Only to find out you missed someone????....................... And they're there????
Maybe even the person who gave it to you in the first place?????? Cause your a ditsy blond who should pay more attention to who gave her the gift and not whose getting her drink????

Yea...........I never do that either !!!!!

WAR has been declared!!!!!

OK ...listen up........I think........I think a war is coming......don't be afraid. Its a Picture War. So far........I'm not gonna lie .........it's been ugly.
Very ugly......for me that is.
I've got nowhere to go but up so........bring out your old photos and lets laugh at them.......ahem I mean........lets reminisce!!!!!!

And for all you Bitches that posted those God Awful pictures of me................PP.......Judge K..........your going down!!!!!
I'm calling my mother to get the really old pictures and I'm looking through all my nooks and crannies.........

Be afraid..........
Be VERY afraid!!!!!!!!

Phone Call

First let me say I love Bud Man . I do . I really do. And I love that he calls me and lets me know where he is and updates me on his day. Sometimes he calls to much, sometimes it can get aggravating.............
Like when I'm up to my elbows in hot soapy studs...........I mean suds
Jeesh.....where did that come from??
Must be all those dirty studs.............I mean suds.


I think I'll just finish the dishes.

Some of you might already know , but my brother is a modern Dead Head Hippie. He goes to concerts and festivals and sells things..........water, beer, jewelery......that sorta stuff. He moved to St. Pete about a year ago. And I really have enjoyed him living so close. I don't mind helping him out most of the time . But some times he really pisses me off.
Like the other day he wanted to borrow some coolers , nice coolers with wheels, to go to Daytona 500 and sell water .
So I said ........Be careful with the coolers they were expensive.
When he returns the coolers
He says.........I brought your real expensive coolers back..............( sarcastic ass )
Me...............Fuck you!!!! Did you buy the coolers?
Him .......No
Me.............Then I guess that's makes them expensive!!!!

A simple Thank You will do.

To BudMan

I knew the first time we met
You were someone I could love
And by the 3rd date I already belonged to you , Heart and Soul
You are a wonderful husband
a great Father
a Fabulous Lover
but most of all
you are my Best Friend and
You will have my love Forever and a Day

(This is a toast I gave to BUD MAN on our 10yr anniversary.........and it's still true today!!)

Some Random Thoughts

Have you guys seen this new birth control called PLAN B ?? It's a pill you take the morning after your regular birth control fails. I don't know why the Bitches of today should have all the benefits.........


What happen to PLAN B from back in the day ??? A lifetime of dealing with the asshole that knocked you up? Some people even had the Bonus plan......Marriage. Mmmm.....and what a plan. A few years of dealing with their shit then you get half of their stuff !!!

MY WEEKEND

Friday night------I discovered Grandma J has a Little game at the bottom of her blog............So I played it for 3 hours!!!

Saturday--------Oxygen Network has on reruns of Americas Top Model......................I watched 5 hours of it!!!!!

Sunday-----------Bravo channel had on ..................oh yea.................Americas Top Model!!!!!
9 HOURS I watched!!!!!
9 Hours of my life sucked down the drain.
I'm such a loser!
I feel a little dizzy .
I have grown-up things to do today and I don't know if I can operate heavy machinery!!!
The weekend is sort of a blur..........I feel hungover, though I didn't drink.
My house is trashed!!!! And I didn't even have a party!!
I killed brain cells this weekend People...........Important brain cells that I need to get through this week.
I need a vitamin shot or something.......
At least a Pepsi........wait..........Oh great the kids drank the rest of my Pepsi!!!!!
Damn the kids!!!!
Damn Grandma J.
And damn the Geniuses at Bravo & Oxygen!!!

Now if you'll excuse me I need to wash the Funk that was my life this weekend ,and try to be a Responsible Adult.

We were watching home videos the other day, and in one of them you can clearly hear my mother talking behind the camera.
Bud Man says........."Why is your Mother at our house taping?
Me.........."I was just thinking the same thing!" Scary how we think alike at times.
So we start looking for clues.....
It's the cape cod house on such n such street.
Sporty girl is this old ...
Ahhh Haaaa.........I see coats , it must be winter.
I remember that outfit Cheer Girl has on .......
I'm not really sure how this was all suppose to help but we felt like we were making progress on figuring out why the hell my mother is at the house video taping.Then you can see the camera being set down, and coming out from behind it.....................
was ME!!!!!
I thought Bud Man was going to bust a gut laughing so hard!!!!

Prison??

Ever feel like your in a prison of your own making?