Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Sing to me Willie!!!

If the word fuck offends you...your gonna want to leave now!!!
To all the cars I've flipped off before
Who've traveled in and out my lane
I'm pissed they came along
I dedicate this Bird
You really are a jerk..........
To all the people that don't know how to drive....
I give you the One Finger Majestic Bird........FUCK YOU!!!!
People you can't multitask..let alone talk on the phone while looking at directions....and not even bothering to check to see if your in your own damn lane!!!!!!!!!!.......Yea take your half out of the middle!!!!!
We all live on planet Uisanass!!!
And 90yr old man..... if all I can see is the top of your head......... what the fuck can you see?!!! Nothing that's what. I specially like to cuss you people along with my salute 'cause your so old you can't hear me anyway!!! What the hell........ if I smile while I'm doing it you probably think I'm waving!!!
Well I'm not ....If your kids have to help you budget and pay your bills...Your to OLD to drive !!!!!!!.Stay the fuck home or get a job at Wal-mart...
And to you , you Bimbo bitch ....smoking a cigarette ,putting on lipstick,and bitching on the phone about why food stamps can't buy beer!!!
You shouldn't even be driving !! I don't feel safe with all the bad choices you've made in your life!!
"How do you know she's made bad choices?" You ask
"Well who in the fuck can't make up their mind what color hair they want so they decide Black roots,fried ,frizzy ,over colored bleach blond,and red on the tips!!! Who?!! People who shouldn't be driving that's who!!!!!"
And Fuck You "I make to much money" you think your car and you are all that..... and all us schmucks should just anticipate when you wanna turn. You make me want to follow you home and tell your wife you've been Boinking your Secretary!!!!! You who take up two parking spaces!!! If you want to know where the dent came from.....It came from me!!! Fuck Face!!!!
And you RICO SUAVEA............ If you were better looking with a bigger dick you wouldn't need a car that far outweighs your salary!!!!
And all you fucks that come from out of town...your the reason for the MINIMUM SPEED posting .....are you kidding me.....get off the damn road if your scared!!!!!!....Holding up Three lanes of traffic 'cause every time a car passes you, you flinch and swerve into the other lanes!!!!!!!
Trying to calm down
Breathing deep......finding happy place!!!!
Breath in
Breath out
Fuck this I'm going to get a beer!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

You know what!!! Today I saw you walk by me at the field and I know you saw me because we made eye contact. (sound romantic HUH) For a second I thought I would make my usuall hey bitch comment, But then I thought na she must be in a hurry. Well I guess after reading this I was Wrong you were not in a hurry just a real bitchy mood. Sometimes us dumbass guys do know when to stay away!!!!




Keeper Of All Things said...

oh Double D....you sure know how to sweet talk me...but won't your wife be jealous?!!!!
always good to hear from the peanut gallery!!!
Still love ya!!

sista #2 said...

My brother was driving to work and a car hit him. The driver of the car was eating a bowl of cereal, couldnt multi-task and hit him.
Cereal and milk flew everywhere.

Take your cellphone,lipstick,cereal,mascara,hamburgers and get the fuck out of my way!


Lori said...

Glad I'm not the only one that goes all Incredible Hulk while driving!!

Snooty Primadona said...

It's like George Carlin says: Anyone going slower than you is a fucking idiot and anyone going faster than you is a goddamn maniac. That's my mantra and I'm sticking to it. he he

PinkPiddyPaws said...

you know what really sucks? it's illegal to flip the bird to someone here in Georgia. talk about taking all the fun out of life. :P

Caution said...

I think I might be afraid to drive within a five mile radius of you!

Love sista#2's story!

Neurotically Yours: said...

Eating a bowl of cereal?? What?!?

I think you could be a song writer, Keeper!

My Metabolic Rate is Stuck said...

Sounds like we're having a 'Road Rage Attack day' or is it just PMS?

Big Hair Envy said...

Your song has a nice ring to it. I give it a 9 :)

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

I was in a car accident six years ago that cost me my health and my career. At the time of the accident I had my 2 youngest daughters in the car asleep in the backseat. We were comming from a ballgame. Anyways a man in a Utility truck ran over the front of our car, because he ran a red light and was talking on a cell phone to his girlfriend, how do I know this? I had my window down and so did he, as he was sitting on top of my car with his truck and the steering wheel of my car in my chest I heard him say," Baby I gotta go I've been in an accident, I love ya and can't wait to see ya tonight." And the dumb fucker told the cops his girlfriend distracted him!

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

Now I agree with ya'll about these dumbasses that cannot drive but get in a car with The Keeper and you're lucky to get out with dry panties... hehe, just kidding, I LOVE how you drive.
I have a case of road rage daily, an apparently if I lived in Georgia I'd be in jail.

Keeper Of All Things said...

sista#2-----Really? cereal?!!didn't the guy know thats why poptarts were invented?

Lori----if i ever see anyone green deiving I'm definently slowing down!!!!!

Mrs.Snooty-----He was so funny...and truthfull

Pink Piddy-------What?!!OMG I would rally have to kick in even more vocals......I'd probably end up with a whole bunch of tickets!!

Caution------I live in FL...so you should be safe......unless your one of those out of state drivers I was talking about?!!

NY-----Thank you......I am working on a record deal

C.Stressed-----Always assume I'm PMSing....it just makes things easier!!

Big Envy------Because of your rating.....I got the record deal....Thank You!!!LOL

Queen----I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you and your kids recovered.....If you want i can come to your state and if you point him out......I'll beat the shit out of him!!!!!!

PP----Girl like you ever get out of a car with dry panties!!!!LOL

Grandma J said...

In some states like Georgia it's illegal to flip the bird, in CA it's not illegal but you'd get shot.

Keeper Of All Things said...

Grandma J-----good to know

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Wow. That's quite a rant. I'm glad you saved it for the blogs. Drive safe Keeper!