Monday, July 21, 2008

Help I was Molested by a Portta Potty!!!!!

We,Double D,Neurotically Yours, Bud Man & I went to the Taste of Pinellas County.For those of you that don't know, the local restaurants come and sell samples of their food for tickets. They sell you tickets to buy food in the hopes that by the time you pay for your food you'll have forgotten that the tickets are $ 2 a piece and that slice of pizza was 4 tickets and beer is 2 tickets and maybe you can't do the math and you'll just throw your tickets on the counter top and ask how much can I get with that? Well I've seen some of the people that go so maybe their not that far off.
Anyway they book bands and give it a festive air..........Fri. Sat. Sun. with a headliner each night.
The night we went it was .............................Rick Springfield!!!!!!!
Oh Yea......Paging Dr. Noah Drake !!!!! Jealous huh????

Bud Man was able to get us some V.I.P tickets, free food, free beer,free beer , free beer. Sweet! And we had V.I.P Portta Pottys. Oh this is fantastic!!!! Free beer,outdoor concert,free beer,selection of food ,free beer, the ocean breeze,free beer, the private pottys not used by the masses of hot stinky, sweaty people!!! Oh Yez Izs Lovz being Vip people!!!!!!
We picked a table out in our Vip area right on the water and by the PP's. So we,Neurotically Yours and I can keep a eye on them,So we could judge which one to use. We even directed Double D and Bud Man to the next in line potty from the one we had deemed ours. Have I told you about Neurotically Yours? Well she's............neurotic!! I act like all this matters to me but really friends I'm a piss whore.....I'll give it up anywhere, In a bucket on a boat,in the bushes by the road ,in the middle of a corn field while its raining,in between cars in the mall parking lot.....Pretty much anywhere!!!! ................(Am I sounding like Dr.Susse?)
We'd reevaluate the suitability after each time it was used. Overweight man with food on his shirt hurriedly enters in PP for over 10min........that PP is no longer acceptable!!!! Even I..... the Piss Whore will pass on this one!!!
I said Piss Whore.....not Nasty Whore!!!! Ewwwww
As the night rolls on I was feeling quite satisfied with life........
Drinking beer , the salty breeze,talking to good friends...
Rick was on stage belting out some very thought provoking lyrics......"Don't talk to strangers!!!!!" Mmmmm....good advice Rick and so true.........your a genius!!!!.......oh and did you ever get Jessys Girl??
I heard shes a stripper at Mons Venus......
and turning tricks on the side....
turns out Jessys a Pimp...
he had more then one girl.....
you should go check it out.
Anyway sitting by the water and drinking lots of beer..... I used the PP's alot!! But now its gettin dark and there is no light in these things!!! And I have night blindness......So as I step into the PP....Something doesn't seem right........Hmmmm.......maybe if I step out I can see better..........no....well maybe if I open the door all the way and stand behind it so the light from beer trailer will shine in it.........no.......well I guess I could...
"What are you doing?" Neurotically Yours ask
"Nothing" I reply sheepishly....Feeling stupid and quickly going about my business.
And that's when it happen!!!!!!!!
SPLAT ........................that's the sound of my ass and my hoochi hitting a closed lid !!!!!!
What the fuck does a Portta Potty need a lid for?!!!!!! Why!! I have to know!!!! Whats the purpose? It isn't even a tight fit....It's about 3 in higher then the seat............so when my ass and hoochi hit .....they hit hard!!!!
I felt violated and dirty......
I was stunned and grossed out....Ewwww
But I still had to go pee.....
I couldn't go screaming into the night....
had to stay and finish my business......
There was nothing to do after that but drink copious amounts of beer to try to erase the feeling of the seat making contact with my hoochi!!!!!!!
Beer helped ..............................And as I was falling asleep that night I got to thinking..................about the workers ........that would come and clean the PP in the blaze of the morning Florida sun and see
My ass and hoochi smudge print on the lid!!!!!!!!
It made me feel better to know someone else would feel as grossed out as me!!!!
I know ........I know.......
I'm like that!!!!!!!!



18 comments:

Neurotically Yours: said...

Hahahaha!! I'm not laughing at you.....I'm laughing with you, yeah, that's right, WITH YOU!!!

PinkPiddyPaws said...

ha..ha.ha.. That's disgusting and I would have run screaming, pants around my ankles, pee leaking from my hoochie and started begging anyone I could find for some Clorox! :)

On another note, I actually KNOW the answer to your question.

PP's have a lid because you are supposed to CLOSE the lid after each use, which causes the stench to funnel up through the pipe in the back, hence reducing the gag worthy smells coming from the inside. But, since most people don't want to touch the lid, much less lower, PP's stink to high heaven.

w00t!

Keeper Of All Things said...

Thank You Pink Piddy .........I'm not sure I want to know why it is that you know that............I'm sure what ever brain cell holding onto that bit of knowledge is well worth losing the cell that knew where your keys are!!!!!!
LOL

Snooty Primadona said...

I think I've finally reached the age that I won't go anywhere that requires me to use a PP instead of a fruity smelling restroom. Which means that I finally have a good thing to list about aging.

Thus, I now have the wisdom to know better than to go anywhere that requires peeing in a PP.

On a positive note... At least you hit the lid instead of falling in, lol. Now THAT would truly be a violation.

Lori said...

Ewwwww!!!

Philly said...

Now isn't pinkpiddy a world of information !!

Me, I'll pee anywhere if the situation gets bad enough. I recall peeing at a toll booth on the turnpike once.

#1

Big Hair Envy said...

Oh, dear!!! I just hope there weren't any incidents that would require the police to dust for hoochie prints!!! hahahahaha!

Bahama Shores Mama said...

Does Bud Man think your hootchie will evah be the same????

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

My blog made you throw up a little in your mouth? I'll take that as a compliment!!

Hallie :)

Keeper Of All Things said...

Mrs Snotty...always can count on you to look for the silver lining

Philly....really did you cause any accidents?!!!

Big Envy...Hmmm dusting for hoochi prints...What kinda database would store that info?

WWofW.......yea your blog had Pictures!!!!!

Pleasing Procrasinator said...

LMAO...I too will pee anywhere. If you gotsta go you gots to go.

That's freaking nasty tho. I don't know if there is enough alcohol to recover from that.

My Metabolic Rate is Stuck said...

Missed another KODAK moment!! LMAO!
Dip that booty in that chlorinated swimming pool to disinfect and sanitize!ooyuck!

Grandma J said...

how hilarious! you should have just gone between two cars in the parking lot...or in the ocean.
Of course wearing a depends shouldn't be ruled out in the future...as a precautionary measure.

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

okay I'm laughing at you. and yeah piddy and her vast knowledge of of stench funneling is funny shit. Geth that? lmao Anyways I hope your hooch got a good scrubbin before any lovin that night :)

HappyHourSue said...

LOL!!!! But free beer AND Rick Springfield???????? WOOT!!

"I play along with charade....
There doesn't seem to be a reason to change...
You know I feel so dirty when they start talkin' cute, I wanna tell her that i love her but the point is prob'ly moot.."

CUZ SHE"SW WATCHIN:"HIM WITH THOSE EYES...

I'll stop now.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

The solution to any future portapotty altercations is to follow this rule of thumb:

Never, ever, never, don't ever, attempt to make or assume contact with a porttapotty surface. Stand, squat over or go behind the portapotty, but do not make contact

Repeat: contact is not good.

Keeper Of All Things said...

PP .....I've been with you on your go anywhere!!!

C.Stressed...thank god there was no camara!!!!

Grandma....Mmmm good idea!!

Queen....Oh yea scrubbing.....INside n out!!!

Sue...I bet that songs on your ipod huh?

CBW...good advice!!!

sista #2 said...

OMG I was so in the car behind Sista #1 when she pissed on the side of the toll booth! Saw her while ass shine as we handed the toll booth collector our cash.

I cant pee in the PP. omg they skeeve me...I have to be really intoxicated to do so.

OMG now your hooch has touched the likes of every drunk in town.

peace
#2