The Keeper Of All Things

Shhhh

2010-05-11T17:32:00.003-04:00

Shhhh............Do you hear that??

What?? You don't hear anything??

That's because after feeding my children a very nutritious dinner of egg sandwiches they left to go to practice.

All 4 of them!!!!!

Hubby's working late tonight..........

Its so QUIET....

I think I'll open a box of Ho Hos and read a book........

Ahhhh the joys of Motherhood......

The day after

2010-05-10T10:22:00.001-04:00

I've got about 3 hours of cleaning house from my "Day Off" !!!!

Happy Effin after Mothers Day to me!!!!!

Big things have been going on!!

2010-05-07T10:26:00.008-04:00

This is the newest edition to our family!!! Pebbles , our Scarlet Macaw. Shes only about 7 weeks in this picture.
Cheer competition in Daytona for May May. If you look real hard she's the one flying on the right. She blends in with the banner.

Ravens' first car. Well first Truck.

Ravens' Jr Prom.

May and Raven goofing off at competition.

We start cheer all over again next week!!! This year Prince Charming decided he wants to try. Lord help us all!!!

Wisdom????

2010-02-12T15:39:00.005-05:00

The stuff I say to my kids.

Said to my 13 yr old May May..........

Is your asshole jealous that your mouth is talking shit again????"

Oh the pearls of wisdom that I come up with

Snows Coming!!!!

2010-02-09T19:54:00.002-05:00

Watching all the news about the weather this morning kinda gave me a excited feeling in my gut. Everybody in "buckle down" mode.
The weatherman saying "Stay inside people. Don't go outside!"
Mmmmmm all I could think about was "Yes I will stay inside .....maybe make myself a nice cocoon in bed and spend the next couple of days reading and eating eggs, drinking milk,eating bread and butter, cause everyone knows this is what you get a the grocery store before a big snow storm.

But then I remembered I live in Florida now and all I get is cold wet shit weather!!!!!

Oh how the growing processes pains me!!!!

2010-01-30T12:21:00.002-05:00

Luvbug,my middle daughter, got a cell phone for Christmas.

She was very excited!!

The rule in my house is.......I can and do check texts at will.

What did you say?

NO!!! It is not an evasion of privacy. After all I pay for the damn thing!!!! Sheese back off , these are not your children!

Ok where was I?

Oh!!

So I check Luvbugs cell. And what do I find, but texts to a boy!!!

This is how it goes....

Luvbug text.......

R we boyfreind n girlfreind ? Or freinds with benefits?

WTF???? I know!!! I was as shocked as you .

I mean shes 12!!

12 years old for gods sake...........and she doesn't know how to spell FRIENDS yet????

Shocking !!!

FYI.......TEXTING

2009-10-14T09:23:00.002-04:00

Don't you hate it when you text someone and they call you?!
And then your stuck answering the phone or lying to them.

I mean Really??? Really!!!

If I wanted to talk to you .....................I would have called you!!!

But no. I texted you. That means I don't want to talk to you but now you've put me in a spot where I have to lie.
That's right!!!!! You make me lie to you!!
A really elaborate lie where I have to come up with an excuse why I can texted but can't talk directly on my phone.
I mean seriously people.......I want to be honest.
I do. Really. But your forcing me to lie. It's just not fair to me.
Then I have to remember the lie. And I think we all know I'm not that smart!!! So then you catch me in the lie.
Now your pissed. When really this whole thing started because YOU didn't know the rules. Which is not my fault!!! So you really shouldn't be mad.

For those of you that know me in real life know exactly what I'm talking about.

Parenting 101

2009-08-31T14:05:00.004-04:00

Conflict Resolution

Goal: To teach your children how to resolve a problem without resorting to name calling or violence, and to be able to do it on there own.

Set-up: Two of my children get into an argument (May May and Prince Charming) It ends with Prince Charming thinking he has won and May May stomping off..........No name calling , no hitting, best of all no me involved.
Problem solved right?
Wrong.

Later that night my brother (Hippie Brother) Come to me and says
"Do you know what May May did to Prince Charming?)"

Me "No I don't .....but if they didn't tattle to me they didn't want or need me to be involved"

Hippie Brother "Yea but it's really gross."
Then he proceeds to tell me what happen.

Sporty Girl, having lost the argument went to the liter box and found a nice piece of cat shit, covered in liter, and put it in Prince Charming's bed. Problem solved............till Hippie Uncle ratted them out.
Sooooo......now I have to get the perpetrators and have a talk.(over BudMans laughter)
Apparently this has been going on for some time now, cause in the end they all ratted each other out and said they all had done this to each other.

But still in the end I think I did my job in the first place..........
No violence.........................check
No name calling...................check
Solve problems on your own...........check.

Yep..........I've done my job!!!!!!

2009-08-02T14:34:00.002-04:00

Budman and I at his award ceremony.

He was 2nd in the nation!!!!

And yes two of those drinks behind me are mine.

Hey........ can I help it if the line for the open bar was to long???

Strange Question overheard in my house

2009-06-29T10:44:00.002-04:00

"Alright......who put Christ on speed dial ???"

I have an electronic phonebook on my cordless phone and Christ's phone number showed up on it.

Hmmm.......I should give him a call............

2009-05-23T12:16:00.002-04:00

Heres Cheer Girl doing some riding
And her best friend.....

The girls together!!!

Day at the beach with friends

Confirming I'm an idiot

2009-05-18T10:44:00.004-04:00

I just want to let all my Blogger friends to know.......I can be blond at times.
Shocking I know!!!!
Here's the latest..................

With Bud Man working in sales and the economy being what it is we've taken a slight hit to our budget..............and by slight hit I mean we are both sporting black eyes!! So I've taken over doing the bills and the budget so Bud Man can concentrate on the big stuff ..........like bringing in more fucking money!!
Now Friends I haven't paid the bills or worried about paying bills in 15yrs.
That's right I said 15yrs!!! So I'm bound to make mistakes right? RIGHT!
Last paycheck I was crunching numbers when I found out I had to come up with an extra 1000 for Cheer girls school!!!! UGH !!!
So I start my list.......
Bills that have to be paid.
Bills that can wait to be paid.
Bills I can't afford to pay the late fees.
Bills that I don't care for the tone of your "reminder" letters.
Bills that "you called and got bitchy with me so your name isn't even going into the hat!"
You know........ an evaluation of bills?

Well my paper was looking pretty messed up so I decided to start on a fresh piece of paper................and forgot to put my car payment on the list!!!!!!
So......my car payment is late. (sigh)

On to this weeks bills................
Add it all up and found out I had extra money.
What????
Wow........I'm good!!!
Then before I went to pay bills.............thought I'd add it up one more time.......
And realized I forgot to push the one button......1000 dollar mistake!!!!!
Yikes!!!
Just glad I caught it in time!!!!

My appreciation of Bud Man doing the bills for the last 15 yrs has grown tremendously.............but Shhh don't tell him that !!! He'll just get all smirky. Yea smirky is a word.
Anyone else have some good bill paying stories???

But I did have a ray of sunshine Pleasing Procrastinator came for a visit!!!!
I'll post some pictures later.

If you want a really good laugh go to 47 and starting over !!!

2009-05-14T11:03:00.002-04:00

Alcohol doesn't make fat....

It makes you lean...........

Lean against the wall............tables............floors and ugly people!!!!

2009-05-11T07:51:00.001-04:00

The monkeys and I after a Mothers Day at the beach!!!!!

2009-05-10T20:17:00.002-04:00

Beware of the Crimson Tide!!!!!!!!

The Swine Flu scare.

2009-05-05T08:26:00.004-04:00

All I got to say is..........

I don't have the Swine Flu ............but if you play your cards right I Will squeal like a pig!!!!

My Pictures Of Suwannee Jamfest

2009-04-28T09:05:00.027-04:00

The fun begins!!!!!!

We were still setting up when......thats right ......a stripper pole come through!!!!!

This is our golf cart!!!! G-spot made the wheel on top. The game is spin the wheel and do what it says.

It says .....Flash (of course)

Jello shot ( we gave out jello shots cause there is always room for jello!!!!!!)

Fantasy ( give ideas.........um I mean Tell us your fantasy)

Talent ( show us what you can do!)

Beads ( our friend bought the neatest beads to pass out!!!)

Bud Man and I drinking watching John Anderson.

G-spot!!!!!!

Our personal Cowboys!!!!!

My beer is dangerously low!!!!

Blake Shelton. Man is he tall

Boobie Surprise!!!!!

She got carded!!!!!!!

Cruising on the golf cart

To much fun.....ask me who was preforming on stage.

Go ahead......ask me.

I Have No Idea!!!!! To busy partying in the crowd!!!!

Apparently Bud Man was busy with his own party!!!!!

Ahhh.......but we always hooked back up!!!

Hmmm....I'm starting to see a theme.

I have a glow necklace!!!!

Finally we watch the performers!!!

Man titties........not just for girls!!!

Someone was naughty!!!

Checking cooler for shots and drinks before cruising!!

You can't really tell but this is Bud Man pissing off the back of the golf cart!!!!

While we're DRIVING!!!!!

Women over a certain age should NOT wear ruffles!!!!

So what did my friends do?????

They went and bought me a ruffled skirt!!!!

And I rocked that skirt..........for all of 15 min!!!!!!!!

The sign was getting loose from all the spinning!!!

Holy Shit ladies!!!!! Do you see him?!!!!

I called him Cowboy T.........for testosterone!!!!

Shit that boy was nothing but eye candy!!!

LOOK!!!

Heres my man talking about "he takes steroids and probably has tiny nads."

Like I care!!!!! Hello ....not going in his pants anyway..........can't get past the chest.........and what a chest it is!!!!

G-Spot and me!!

Psst.....G-Spot!!! I put this in here for you!!!!

Yes.........I flashed later but Bud Man was to slow with the camera!!!

Bud Man had to be told his sign was upside down!!!!!! How embarrassing!!!

Big trucks playing in the mud!!!

div>

Yep!!!!! That my friends is a dedicated Cowgirl . Pink Chevy truck!!!!

Cowboy T stopped the cart for a spin!!!

Oh yea ladies.....its as tight as it looks.........

I should know....I spanked it!!

One of the singers David Cooler!!

I think you've met The Drunk Keeper before.....

div>

Jacking off by the fire!!

What a great time we had!!!

It was nothing but Jacked-up golf carts , rednecks as far as the eye could see and country music.............and I was loving every minute of it!!!!!!

See ya next year!!!!!

2009-04-22T20:50:00.004-04:00

I'm going to The Suwannee River Jam !!!!
For 3 whole nights !!!!
WOO HOO
No kids!!!!

Some of the bands that are going to be there...

Montgomery Gentry
Cross Canadian Ragweed
Blake Shelton
Jamey Johnson
Gretchen Wilson
And lots more !!!!!

We leave Thursday morning at 10am............I anticipate popping my first beer by noon.

So if your gonna be there look me up...........I'll be the drunk blond looking for a pole to dance on!!!!
Jeesh.........
Just kidding......................Ppsh..........I'll be way to drunk to dance with props!!!!!!

I'm gonna rip his balls out through his mouth!!!!

2009-04-18T11:59:00.003-04:00

I'm gonna fuckin shoot Bud Man !!!
I swear to GWAD!!!!!!
If that man doesn't shut his fucking mouth while I'm driving ............................
He won't stop telling me how to drive............

"I wouldn't go to fast through here ......there's always speed traps"
But I'm not you........so shut up!!! I turn the music up

"That's a sheriff helicopter ,looking for people weaving in and out of traffic. Joe just got a ticket last week because of them."
Now your just making shit up.......like I'm gonna believe that stupid effin line!!! Music gets another couple of notches.Window comes down.

"Your gonna want to slow down and get in the right lane. your exit is up ahead. "
I've got a whole nother mile......and five more jackasses ahead of me...........and one beside me soooooooo FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.................JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME DRIVE THE FUCKING CAR!!!
Music is almost full blast now..........windows all the way down and I light a cigarette.......oh yea.....cause if he thinks I cant drive with windows up , music down and nothing else to occupy my hands ................hes got another think coming!!!!!

It's amazing how I'm able to get 4........count them FOUR!!!! children where they need to be and SAFELY!!! without him there to tell me how to drive.

I'm not gonna lie................It flashed through my mind....................if I just bagged him in the nuts he might just shut the fuck up for 20 minutes.

Then I could have sweet driving bliss!!!!

Questions for my friend

2009-04-10T09:31:00.002-04:00

I'm helpin a close friend move and I have questions.

Like.............

How is it that you own 5 car loads of clothes ..................and I only see you wear the same shit???

Whats up with a drawer full of game controllers.....................and you don't own the console to???

Why did we move broken shit only to have you throw it away at the new house?

Why was it every time I turned around someone asked if I needed help..............but when I did need help no one was there???? Fuckers.............I know your hiding from me.

And why oh why do all the guys get to bitch and moan for the 2 days it takes to move all the big stuff................when you and I have a week of unpacking to do still??
Fuckin Sissys

The IN_LAWS are gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-07T16:06:00.003-04:00

Bud Mans family left last Saturday morning!!!!!!

I hear a choir of angels singing ....................Hallelujah!!!!!

Really these people just suck the life right out of me!!!! GAWD DAMN do they piss me off!!!! I'm not gonna go into details of all the catty fuckin shit they do .........I'll just say ..........they don't treat my kids like the other grand kids............................Fuckin Hippocrates!!!!!

So I promptly went out and got drunk..................rip fuckin roaring drunk!!!!

Oh yea nuttin like good friends and alcohol to help recover from the In-Laws visiting..............if I was smart.............(and I never been accused of that)..............I'd 'ave drank more when they were here. Anyway I did have a great time "Cowboy Stompin".

I know I've not been blogging lately but I promise to catch up on all your blogs this week.

2009-03-30T09:22:00.002-04:00

Quick post......................I think I might have words with the In-Laws today.
What a bunch of shit.
GAWD they piss me off!!!!!!

2009-03-26T09:27:00.002-04:00

Spring Break is next week. Bud Mans sister and her kids arrive on Friday. His brothers family arrive on Saturday. And my In-Laws arrive on Sunday.

Yea a trifecta of In-Laws!!!!

His mother was in a car accident about a month ago and broke her pelvis.
I said .........HER PELVIS!!!
Ouch!!!!
I can't even type it without squeezing my legs and wincing!!!!! Holy sheeoit...........that had to smarts!!!!! So they decided to drive from Indiana to Florida. I think I would need alot of painkillers.............Hmmmm maybe she'll have some extra.

Anyway .....we'll be at the beach almost everyday.
So I'll try to blog more later to
tell ya all what a wonderful In-Law I am.

MEMORAIL DAY PIG ROAST

2009-03-23T08:03:00.000-04:00

(This is a repost. I'm sorry . I'm being really lazy.)

This is the lil' piggy that went ...wee....wee.....wee all the way to the grill!! Something about remembering the men and women who have given their lives for our freedom, that makes my family want to slaughter a pig!

We had a real memorial day miracle at our house.......about 20 kids in and out of our pool and not one of them had to use the restroom!!!!!!

AHHHHHH....Some of the happy natives. Hold the phone.........I don't think everyone is happy. Do you think he might have been friends with the pig...........oh the horror!!!!! But it was delicious!!!!!!!!!!

OH YES!!!!! Back off ladies this hunka hunka burning moron.....ahem......I mean man is ALL MINE!!!!!!! Yea the party just got rolling!!!! Lil' tip ......When honey dons the flower bra and grass skirt , it can only go up from there.

OUCH!!!!!!!!!! MY HANG-OVER JUST TOOK A REALLY NASTY TURN!!!!!!

Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day !!!

Have you ever????

2009-03-20T10:45:00.001-04:00

Have you ever woke up from a mad night of sex..........smelling like watermelons?

And your hair is greasy?

And the sheet is off the bed and your underwear are in the kitchen????

Whats up with that?

Disney Competition

2009-03-18T08:39:00.005-04:00

That's me and Cheer Girl sticking our ass out....................OK so I don't have an ass....jeesh you bitches are hard!!!!!!
Stage at Indiana Jones Theater

Cheer Girl , Boyfriend and May May

Some of the girls in action!!!

Cheer Friends!!!

Crazy Cheer Mom Roommate and Cheer Girl

2 days at Disney ...........is enough.

Sure its great........... if you don't live here.

All the other teams from out of state were going crazy......like a lil mini vacation.

The best part was the crazy ass Cheer Mom I roomed with..................Man that girl is CRAZY FUN. I'd tell you stories but she reads my blog soooooo.............I'll save it for another time when shes not looking. Lets just say we got a lil tipsy by the pool and had a blast making fun of the other moms!!!

It's not mean.............IS NOT!!!!!!!.........

We did it with love in our hearts. Our Gleeful Hearts.

Honestly..........and really only a few overheard us...........and they thought we we're talking about someone else soooo.............it doesn't count.

All in all pretty good weekend. I had fun getting away from Bud Man..............shit.....I mean it was nice spending time with the girls.

And the house was clean and the kids alive when I got home!!!!!

Cheer Competition

2009-03-13T12:25:00.007-04:00

My Girls!!!!

We're heading out to UCA Nations in Orlando. Just me and the two older girls!!!

Oh yea and Aunt Flo......that fucking bitch shows up just as I'm leaving town every effin time!!!!

Bud Man and the babies will be own their own this weekend................I just hope he remembers to feed them!!!!

Keep your fingers crossed!!!!!

PICTURES!!!!!!

2009-03-10T20:13:00.011-04:00

Pleasing Procrastinator and I the first day at the beach.

Chatting it up

Bud Man and I

Pleasing Procrastinator and Cooke

Yes Yes that is Prince C..............but look behind him.......hehehehe that skim-boarder took a dive!!!

Is that Cooke or.......a lobster?

That's my girl........trying to figure out how the hell sand got in her bellybutton!!
Ummmm hello......Its a beach!!!
My Girls . 16 and her 13Th Birthday!!!!!
And yes.....that IS a beer in my hand.

Blogging the next morning.....I do dream of your responses!!!

PP is all chocked up to be in a picture with Bud Man!!!!

What the fuck did you just put in your mouth???? I swear I can't leave that girl alone for a minute!!!!!!

Again???? Always sticking shit in her mouth
PP and May May on her 13Th Birthday

Lets Go!!!
I thank shes gonna do a cheer!!!!
Go Girl Go !!!!!

My burnt knees made me really , really tired..............it had nothing to do with two days at the beach and the night of drinking Margaritas!!!!!!!!

A bird shit on her leg.......LMAO.............Oh Jesus people if you could have been there..............she was all like...........................A BIRD JUST SHIT ON ME!!!!!!! Oh yea........everyone around us had to turn and look!!!!!!

Cool Kitty!!!

My Gang !!!!!!!

PP and I day 3

Wait wait................hang on.........was your stomach in? No. Neither was mine ............Lets try that one again.

Jeesh !!!! Take the picture already!!!! You think its easy to suck it in when I've already had a six pack???!!!!!
I'm about to pass out!!!!

I'm soooooo fuckin wore out.........................Oh and I hear you bitches judging me on my housekeeping skills.........for your information ..............WE do keep the clean laundry on the back of the couch!!!!

Can you believe I didn't take my camera out when we went to the bars??

You'll have to go tot PP site to see those pictures!!!!

2009-03-10T11:44:00.002-04:00

Ready to make the drinks!!!

The 3 boys on stand-by.

Moo Moo and I are waiting for Pleasing Procrastinator to arrive.

These pictures were taken on Thursday. I'll try to update this tonight.

I promise!!!

Wisdom

2009-03-07T11:02:00.001-05:00

Pearls of wisdom I said while under the influence of Ms.Bloody Mary ( you just know she a divorcee)

"You can't fix crazy."....................although you can make fun of it.

"Your entirely tooooo nice to people.".................................While your up will you get me another drink?

Lastly .......and this is really really good advice...............

Fuck'em!!!!

Pictures of Pleasing Procrastinator coming

She's Coming!!!!!

2009-03-05T08:18:00.003-05:00

Pleasing Procrastinator is coming today...............excuse me while I dance around my kitchen.

OK......give me a min.........panting.............huff.............whew...............I should cut back on the cigarettes..............lil out of breath..........maybe I'll stick to singing.

We are lucky if we get to see each other once a year. But not this year.
Not once.
Not twice.
But an incredible 3 xs this year!!!!!!!!!!

I've got Frozen Drinks all ready for her!!!!!!!
I promise to take lots of pictures.......................I haven't forgotten The Picture War.........I intend to ambush her!...................................hehehehe.

I wonder how many hits I'll get from Google with that title?

My weekend

2009-03-02T12:06:00.003-05:00

Friday.............Reestablish contact with the local library. Bud Man went to watch Cheer Girls softball game ( yes she does other things beside Cheer)

Saturday Night...... I had a brief but torrent affair with a bottle of vodka and Bloody Mary mix....that bitch Rocks! Some very close friends of ours came over for a cookout.....but I was eating healthy.......nothing but tomato's for me!

Had wild unforgettable sex with Bud Man .....but kinda forgot how it ended......I know its an oxymoron....but that's what eating healthy does to me!!!

Sunday ....woke up with the "Sex Swirl Do" in the back of my head.....(again its some kinda allergic reaction to the tomato's.....fucks my hair all up!!! ) Spent the day in my bed reading while Bud Man tortured the kids by watching a Lord Of The rings movie marathon.

All in All not a bad weekend.

2009-02-25T06:27:00.002-05:00

You rarely get to say

I hope the dog just farted!!!

And really mean it!!!!

Otherwise I've got a funky Oder haunting me like a shadow !!!! (and yes you bitches I showered!!!!!)
Just a whiff here and there.
I've looked ..........and looked
and sniffed...........and sniffed.

Can't find anything..........

WTF??????

The dog can take the hit for this one.
'Bout time she earned her keep.

Cancerous Toast

2009-02-24T07:43:00.003-05:00

So......I lost my lighter.............and I have no matches.
I think for all of you that smoke you know what that means...............................
Yep.............
Don't eat the toast at my house....
It's cancerous.

Have you ever.................

2009-02-23T10:03:00.008-05:00

Have you ever put tape on the bottom of the cats paws and then just laugh your ass off ??
What ???.................No????
Yea I would never do that either!!!

Calm down!!! I said I wouldn't do that!!!!
Jeesh those Cat People are pushy !!!! (Not like I threaten them with a riding lawnmower.....Life in Matthews)

Have you ever showed up at a Birthday Party (after carefully considering whose going to be there) with a re gifted gift ?????????

Only to find out you missed someone????....................... And they're there????
Maybe even the person who gave it to you in the first place?????? Cause your a ditsy blond who should pay more attention to who gave her the gift and not whose getting her drink????

Yea...........I never do that either !!!!!

WAR has been declared!!!!!

2009-02-18T11:04:00.002-05:00

OK ...listen up........I think........I think a war is coming......don't be afraid. Its a Picture War. So far........I'm not gonna lie .........it's been ugly.
Very ugly......for me that is.
I've got nowhere to go but up so........bring out your old photos and lets laugh at them.......ahem I mean........lets reminisce!!!!!!

And for all you Bitches that posted those God Awful pictures of me................PP.......Judge K..........your going down!!!!!
I'm calling my mother to get the really old pictures and I'm looking through all my nooks and crannies.........

Be afraid..........
Be VERY afraid!!!!!!!!

Phone Call

2009-02-18T09:34:00.003-05:00

First let me say I love Bud Man . I do . I really do. And I love that he calls me and lets me know where he is and updates me on his day. Sometimes he calls to much, sometimes it can get aggravating.............
Like when I'm up to my elbows in hot soapy studs...........I mean suds
Jeesh.....where did that come from??
Must be all those dirty studs.............I mean suds.

I think I'll just finish the dishes.

2009-02-17T07:57:00.002-05:00

Some of you might already know , but my brother is a modern Dead Head Hippie. He goes to concerts and festivals and sells things..........water, beer, jewelery......that sorta stuff. He moved to St. Pete about a year ago. And I really have enjoyed him living so close. I don't mind helping him out most of the time . But some times he really pisses me off.
Like the other day he wanted to borrow some coolers , nice coolers with wheels, to go to Daytona 500 and sell water .
So I said ........Be careful with the coolers they were expensive.
When he returns the coolers
He says.........I brought your real expensive coolers back..............( sarcastic ass )
Me...............Fuck you!!!! Did you buy the coolers?
Him .......No
Me.............Then I guess that's makes them expensive!!!!

A simple Thank You will do.

To BudMan

2009-02-14T08:01:00.003-05:00

I knew the first time we met
You were someone I could love
And by the 3rd date I already belonged to you , Heart and Soul
You are a wonderful husband
a great Father
a Fabulous Lover
but most of all
you are my Best Friend and
You will have my love Forever and a Day

(This is a toast I gave to BUD MAN on our 10yr anniversary.........and it's still true today!!)

Some Random Thoughts

2009-02-12T07:54:00.001-05:00

Have you guys seen this new birth control called PLAN B ?? It's a pill you take the morning after your regular birth control fails. I don't know why the Bitches of today should have all the benefits.........

What happen to PLAN B from back in the day ??? A lifetime of dealing with the asshole that knocked you up? Some people even had the Bonus plan......Marriage. Mmmm.....and what a plan. A few years of dealing with their shit then you get half of their stuff !!!

MY WEEKEND

2009-02-09T08:02:00.003-05:00

Friday night------I discovered Grandma J has a Little game at the bottom of her blog............So I played it for 3 hours!!!

Saturday--------Oxygen Network has on reruns of Americas Top Model......................I watched 5 hours of it!!!!!

Sunday-----------Bravo channel had on ..................oh yea.................Americas Top Model!!!!!
9 HOURS I watched!!!!!
9 Hours of my life sucked down the drain.
I'm such a loser!
I feel a little dizzy .
I have grown-up things to do today and I don't know if I can operate heavy machinery!!!
The weekend is sort of a blur..........I feel hungover, though I didn't drink.
My house is trashed!!!! And I didn't even have a party!!
I killed brain cells this weekend People...........Important brain cells that I need to get through this week.
I need a vitamin shot or something.......
At least a Pepsi........wait..........Oh great the kids drank the rest of my Pepsi!!!!!
Damn the kids!!!!
Damn Grandma J.
And damn the Geniuses at Bravo & Oxygen!!!

Now if you'll excuse me I need to wash the Funk that was my life this weekend ,and try to be a Responsible Adult.

2009-02-05T08:16:00.004-05:00

We were watching home videos the other day, and in one of them you can clearly hear my mother talking behind the camera.
Bud Man says........."Why is your Mother at our house taping?
Me.........."I was just thinking the same thing!" Scary how we think alike at times.
So we start looking for clues.....
It's the cape cod house on such n such street.
Sporty girl is this old ...
Ahhh Haaaa.........I see coats , it must be winter.
I remember that outfit Cheer Girl has on .......
I'm not really sure how this was all suppose to help but we felt like we were making progress on figuring out why the hell my mother is at the house video taping.Then you can see the camera being set down, and coming out from behind it.....................
was ME!!!!!
I thought Bud Man was going to bust a gut laughing so hard!!!!

Prison??

2009-02-01T13:15:00.001-05:00

Ever feel like your in a prison of your own making?

This shower thing is really getting on my nerves!

2009-01-29T09:30:00.005-05:00

I'm in the shower this morning when I realize....the water is getting colder and colder. Hmmmm.............so I start to fiddle with the knobs . It's not working......seems to be getting worse. At this time I start to have a teeny panic attack.........I hate cold water!!! But more importantly I realize I've only shaved one leg!! And I haven't shaved my legs since we went to Indy so I had some work to do!!! ( don't judge me it's been sorta cold here!)
I mean ,I could have tuffed it out and shaved in cold water. But I'm not really down with being uncomfortable. Refer back to I HATE COLD WATER.
So I did the only thing I could think of...........
I put conditioner on it.
Hey if its not smooth at least it's soft!!!!

2009-01-28T08:45:00.003-05:00

Hey look what I did!!! I made this all by myself!!! Hell I even made the Cheerleaders!!!

On another note...........Sporty Girl made Honor Roll !!!!! Thank you......Thank you .......I........I mean she worked hard for it.

Shower again?

2009-01-25T09:17:00.002-05:00

Conversation with Prince Charming this morning............

Me:............. Prince Charming get in the shower .

PC: ..............You made me take a shower before I went to the Pirate Parade. ( Yesterday )

Me:............. No I didn't .

PC: ..............Yes huh......the day before I did.

???????????

Apparently I'm not the only one who doesn't shower!!!!

Shower anyone ?

2009-01-24T14:39:00.004-05:00

I think our relationship has reached a level where I can tell you anything. That we've really gotten to know each other over the last 6 months. I feel this connection ,a bond that I can share secrets with you . Like anything I tell you will be just between us. That you won't judge me.....or if you do you'll do it quietly and from afar........ like I do with the things you tell me. So when I tell you I haven't showered in 5 days you will automatically be making excuses in your head as to why. Like maybe a blizzard hit while I was at the 7 eleven and I couldn't leave (even though I live in Florida.) Or I decided to go to a Africa to help the bushmen and everyone knows there isn't running water in the bush. But the truth is.................I'm lazy. Not a big surprise for those of you who know me. But ......well.........we've had a cold snap here in Florida and I just haven't felt like showering. A pathetic excuse for those of you that live in the Great North , I know.........but there it is. But you'll all be happy to know that I have showered today. And while I don't really look better I do smell better.

(I apologise to any bushmen I may have offended)

These are not Bushmen but a picture of 50% of my kids and all of Pleasing Procrastinators. I just thought it was a damn cute picture so I threw it in.

Indy Trip

2009-01-21T14:33:00.023-05:00

Thank You Pleasing Procrastinator for bringing me a nice warm coat!!!

CAUTION : Family and Friend pictures ahead!!!

Yep that's me looking like a yellow Kermit the frog!!!

Effin freezing my ass off!!!

We went to Indianapolis for a 2 day Cheer Competition. When I got off the plane I went outside to smoke. Took two hits off my cigarette and had to go back inside. Fuck That!!! Honestly I don't know how you people up north live in that shit. That is exactly why I moved from Indiana to Florida!!!

When I wasn't bundled up looking like a pissed on snowman ,the static was so bad my hair looked like a dandelion fluff!!

But I did get to see family and friends. So it was worth it.

That's me and Pleasing Procrastinator.
PP and I look like we had a really bad night!! Like she couldn't get out of her PJ's and I can't get far from a toilet!!!! Mmmm.....maybe that coffee isn't such a good idea.

Me and my parents

Bud Man and his parents.

That's Sporty Girl , Diva ( PP's daughter ) and Cheer Girl going to Competition.

Cousins

I have no idea how I got the pictures like this . Cold isn't it girls?

We really had a good time after PP and I found somewhere we could Smoke and drink warm.
How did they do?....You ask
All I can say is MY two girls gave a flawless routine.......however the other 27 girls on the team didn't.

Computer Crash!!!!

2009-01-06T12:37:00.001-05:00

Sooooo...my computer crashed awhile ago. A friend of ours is fixing it. But for now all I have is Cheer Girls laptop. Can you say SLOOOOOOW. Should have computer back by next week.

Reason 2,891 Why I love BudMan!!

2008-12-23T10:32:00.010-05:00

Ay Yep , that's us and our friends!!! It was a Pimp and Ho party. Everyone flipped it except me. I guess I'm just a Ho a heart!! Can you guess witch one is BudMan?!!

There he is !!!!! My man didn't go as no high class Ho. No no, he went as a nasty South side, seven Eleven, dirty feet porno Ho!! And no that's not me , you bitches!!! But the Bunny does make a pretty girl huh? I'm down in front in pink.
Took me two days to cure that hangover and to shower!!!! I'm a little nasty myself.
I drink a Toast to my friends ( but really I'll drink to anything )
They are not afraid to put it all out there!!!!!!

Oh shit I forgot to tell you the best part.....BudMan has oranges with baby nipples taped to them for boobs!!!!

Christmas Cheer Is Not Here!!!

2008-12-16T12:02:00.003-05:00

My life is going by to fast.
Where did all my little ones go?
No one believes in Santa ......except for the last........
And that's only for show!!!

My kids are spoiled
At times,even rotten
Oh what a coil...
Their to big to beat their bottom!!!!

I worry , I fret
I don't know what to get

The 16yr old wants a car.
The 12yr old wants to be a star
The 11yr old wants a horse
And the 9yr old wants everything of course!!!!

Remember the days when Christmas was new?
When you knew just what to do.

I remember the days when my babies were young
When Santa was real
And all the whistles and bells were rung
I knew how to just feel !!!

Find the perfect gift !!!!
I try
That's just a myth !!!
I cry

Brandy and egg nog , It's just what I need
A little bit of down time, just for me.
I'll read a book and drink a beer
I'll find that damn Holiday Cheer!!!!!

Happy Birthday!!!

2008-12-04T16:34:00.003-05:00

Cheer Girl and LoveBug had a birthday yesterday.......16 and 11. Yes I guess we all know what I've got on my mind at least one time a year. Apparently I go into heat. When Cheer Girl told her friends that it was also her sisters birthday...they joked that they must be twins. Hmmmm..... Yes now that I think about it I was in labor for 5 years!!!!

Anyway.....I have some advice to tell you . If you are......thirty (cough) something......and have your 16yr old standing next to you , looking all BAM 20!!!!!..............people don't believe that your 29!!! Well let me tell you I AM!!!! Don't judge me.....you don't know ....maybe I was a really promiscuous girl!!

One more week!!

2008-11-17T19:33:00.002-05:00

Just one more week and the babies will be done with football and cheer!!!
Yea!!!!! WOO WOO........... then all I have is the older girls. So things should calm down and I'll be able to post more. Oh and for all the RLF's .........don't try to tell me that I've actually had time to post I just chose to read instead!! I swear I've been SUPER busy!!! Honest..............would I lie to you?!!!!

McDonalds ??

2008-11-04T12:06:00.014-05:00

I have a question for McDonald's. ....................Where's my effing ICE?!!!!
I mean COME ON. 5 fuckin cubes in a gallon of pop??? How the hell does this make sense?! I need ICE people!!! Get it off that carasol thingy and give me some ice . Is that to hard? Is ice to expensive? I got a great idea for you to make up the money....................quit using those "Checked Twice" stickers.........you ain't effing checking it twice!!!! You bunch of liars!!
God knows your making up money on the Sweet Tea. You got me all hooked on it......then jacked the price up........kinda like a drug dealer..................oh yea hehehe.........I just likened Micky Dees to a drug dealer!!!! He does kinda look like a dealer............all baggy pants.......hair everywhere....lipstick all on the OUTSIDE of your lips!! Always hanging out with kids and crackheads who steals?................(Hamburgler)........Hmmmm..........Actually he might have come in handy back in the day!
He even had the law on his side ...(Mayor McCheese) I don't know what the fuck Grimace is. I can only assume he was some sort of body guard!!
What the hell were these people on when they came up with those characters? I know it was the 70's ....but damn was everyone dropping acid ?

That's it .......I'm going to Burger King.......he knows how to treat a lady.
Have It Your Way?!!!...............You betcha I Will !!

COLD !!!!

2008-10-28T09:26:00.007-04:00

It's effin COLD !!! It's in the 50s !!! I SAID 50s people !!!!!! My thin ass blood can't take it !! We turned off the air conditioner ,for gods sake !!!! I had to turn on the heater in my car this morning while taking the kids to school ! Shit I hate the cold !!!
Oh , OK I'll admit,I guess it's better than snow !!

NFL FLAG

Crazy???? Me?????

2008-10-21T14:27:00.000-04:00

Driving down the road with all 4 kids in the car I realized I forgot to take my CHANTIX ( stop smoking) pill. And the following conversation ensued

ME--- "Shit I forgot to take my pill!!!"

Prince C--------"What pill Mama?"
before I could answer

Love bug-------------"Her crazy pills!!!!! Duh "

To witch my older girls thought was hilarious............till I told them Crazy runs in the family ...................hahaha whose laughing NOW?!

Out of the mouths of babes..........

It's Time to play "Mama I don't feel Good!!!"

2008-10-10T12:04:00.004-04:00

I'm sure alot of you have played this game before. I'll be adding points and taking them away as we go along.

If you ask your child "Where does it hurt?" you get 50 points

If you tell your child "Shut up ,cant you see I'm on the phone ?" Subtract 50 points

If you diagnose the problem by

calling your mom..............25 pts
calling all your friends several times, throughout the night, for their opinion.....................50 pts
calling your doctor............................-50 (wheres the fun in that?)

When you hear the child gagging do you

Jump out of bed like a mad woman and run full tilt down the hall while holding child yelling "Hold IT!!!!! Hold IT!!!!! we're almost there!!!!!...................50 pts.
Roll back over and assume your spouse will take care of it...........-50 pts.Please like that will ever happen.
Bonus points if you thought ahead and had the puke bowl ready...............25 pts
if at 3 o'clock in the morning your scrubbing up a trail of puke from child's room to bathroom ...............-100 pts. You must be new to this game then.

We've tallied the score .Let me tell you what you've won!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3 days and 2 night all inclusive stay at the HOSPITAL!!!

And Because you .....or your Friends .......all agreed that the pain in the side wasn't normal you get and extra 11hrs straight stay in the emergency room. Where all you get to do is wait for the damn doctor and eavesdrop on any conversation around you!!!! Oh and lets not forget the very non-fat way of not having ANYTHING to eat all fucking day!!!

Little boys will be men!!!

2008-10-03T08:24:00.001-04:00

I have given up our master bathroom to Bud Man about 3 yrs. ago. I didn't want to deal with cleaning after him. So now it's his bathroom and he can clean it!! The kids and I took the other bathroom. A system that seem to be working fine until..........Prince C decided to be a man.

This morning as the 3 girls and him are getting ready for school. Jockeying for position in front of the mirror.

" Has anyone seen my eyeliner?!" ( a sharpen eyeliner pencil is like gold in our house)

"Wheres the brush!!!!!" being yelled at the top of their lungs.

"That's mine!!!!"

(We have what I like to call the Hillbilly Intercom system in our house. When you want to talk to someone else in a different part of the house .....instead of going to the room they're in , you just yell at the top of your lungs.)

Prince C had swept the girls out so he could go pee........

There ,of course, is a bum rush of girls for the door when he finally emerges.

The door slams before he's barely out.

Sporty Girl comes back out yelling at Prince C " Get in there and clean the pee off the seat!!!!"

With a exasperated sigh he says "You need to learn to just deal with it!!!"

WTF??? Bud Man thought it was hilarious!!! Till I told him his son is going to be sharing his bathroom with him!!!!

Excuse Me

2008-09-24T12:32:00.000-04:00

A lil' play on the old saying "your slip is showing"....I guess I didn't think anyone would get it if I didn't add that.............hmmmm........is my fuckin' age showing or what??

Pardon me mam .........your bitchiness is slipping .

I mean ......your slip is bitching................no no what I mean is your bitching is slipping..................awe shit .....

Your being a bitch!!!!

And friends......that's one of the nice voices in my head!!!

You'll all be happy to know that I have calmed down.....with the help of Tylenol PM.....and a few drinks............That's right I said a few drinks and it's after 12......... so don't judge me people!!!

Oh by the way.......Aunt Flo arrived.......surprised huh?

I'm P!$$ed Off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-23T16:04:00.003-04:00

OMG I'm so fuckin pissed I'm shaking. The asshole Mike at Allstate insurance co. has taken a dislike to me.Condescending bastard. We agreed on a price he said he just needed to talk to the highway patrol that recovered my car and arrested the punk that stole it. Talk to the officer???? What the fuck does he think these guys do??? If they talked to claim adjusters they wouldn't have time for anything else!!!! Dumb fuck!!! And he wants me to get the report for him!! Who's gonna do my job while I do his??!!! So I called the agent.....girl named Kristen.....she doesn't work in claims so she not sure whats going on.
I said -------You go find out and call me back.
Oh yea I had lots of other stuff to say. But I won't bore you with all the details. Bottom line I told Kristin to let me know what needed to be done.
All that was needed was the highway patrol report.
Then today I get a letter that was mailed out yesterday after he talked to Kristen..........He wants me to sign something giving him the right to look at all our financial statements , the right to search my property!!!!!!!!!! Cell phone records 2 days before and 2 days after the car was stolen!!!!!
What the fuck is wrong with this picture?????
Ummmmm maybe the fact that I'm the god-damn victim!!!!!!!
I called lil' Kristen back..............she was subjected to the full "I'm white trash and pissed off" talk!!!! She said she understood where I was coming from. Really!!!!! Really????!!!! I don't think so . I told her that I would only deal with her . I refuse to talk to him and if I had to be miserable dealing with that dickhead Mike she could be miserable with me.
She was very calming , said she would take care of it and call me back.
Well who the fuck wouldn't be calming with a crazy woman on the phone?!!!
Friends I'm not even going to try to find my happy Place until I simmer for awhile............shit I was feeling bitchy before all this happen Shit head Mike just gave me something to point my gun at!!!
And while Bud Man is pissed off too...... he is content to let me deal with them. He is such a non-confrontal person , while I'm gonna relish my righteous anger!!!!!
Fucking,Bastard,Dick Cheese,Mike from Allstate!!!!!!!!

Btw .........when the fuck did gonna become a word ??? I just noticed it went by spell check!!

Man or Potato Head?????

2008-09-22T10:32:00.006-04:00

A few years ago Bud Man was coaching Sporty Girls softball team and one of the the Single Moms had a crush on him. She was always touching his arm or sitting next to him with her hand on his leg.
Now you don't know this , but Bud Man is quite shy. He gets that deer in-the-headlights look and freezes. It makes him very uncomfortable when anyone other then me touches him. My friend Tami and I found this absolutely hilarious!! We'd sit in the bleachers and watch the exchange. Or we'd be at the house having some after game drinks and she'd corner him on the couch or something. It got to where he wouldn't sit unless he knew where she was. Oh man ......................I love to see him squirm.
One day we were sitting in the bleachers and she turns to me and says

SMom----"What a good father Bud Man is."

Me------I just raise one eyebrow

SMom----- "Does he have a brother?" She says half joking but I knew she was half serious.

Me-------"Yes he does ........he's nothing like Bud Man ."

Smom----(sighs)------" I wish I could find a man like that."

Me------- I'm thinking.........Well maybe you should look somewhere other than the bar. That doesn't seem to be working for you.

Smom--------"You just don't know how LUCKY you are. "

Me---------"Luck!!! Luck???? Bitch........Do you think he came out of the box that way?!!!! Hell no !! Do you think I just found him walking around like this !! It's like a Mr. Potato Head ......if you can find a blank potato your in luck...snatch that bitch up!!!! Don't let that get away from you 'cause they are few and far between....especially the older you are!!! Most of them aren't blank you have to take all the shit his mother and ex-girlfriend....or god forbid an ex-wife did, and get rid of all that , then start putting your own shit back on. You can't do it all at once or he'll topple over. And you'll have to find a new Potato . You have to do it gradually so he doesn't even know it's there......that's why it takes years!!! And maybe.............just maybe, if your really lucky................. it'll stick!!!!"

Bud Man, I know you secretly read my blog so just know that....................that's NOT what I did !!..........I just said that to her . Really.
I knew you where already perfect when I met you. I was just trying to get her to lay off........I said it all for you.

Is he gone??.............Did he buy it???? Phew that was close!!!!

Driving

2008-09-18T08:42:00.009-04:00

Here she is, Miss Cheer ,with her Permit to drive. That's my new car she's getting ready to drive. Look at how happy she is . Friends I'm scared......for me having to ride with her,for my new car,for her.

This whole thing of being a mother and teaching your children is really kind of a drag.......oops did I just show my age?

Aha.....the other naives have sensed that something has changed for one of them, and they came out to investigate!!!
Look at them .....all smiley faces......the poor clueless suckers.
We are off to drop Prince C at football practice then to take her and Sporty Girl to Cheer practice.
Driving!!!! She half floors the gas and stomps on the brakes!!! Oh my poor nerves!! I wonder .........I know a adult has to be in the car while she's driving ......but does that adult have to be sober?????

Last week was a "shit for week"!!!!!

2008-09-15T20:32:00.004-04:00

I had my car stolen Monday morning. they found it later that day, totaled!!! Dumb punk ass kid apparently couldn't handle my turbo charged engine!!! Dumb Fuck!!!

Tuesday we spent looking for cars and trying to figure out how much we were going to get from the insurance company.
Wednesday my Ebook reader froze and then erased 102 books. I almost cried!!!
Thursday the insurance company offered us a ridiculously low amount of money for my car. After haggling we finally settled on a number ( and by haggling I mean we bent over and took it up the ass!!!)
Friday just to round things off nicely ,my In-Laws arrived in town!!!!

COME ON!!!!!! Really?!!!! What a fucked up week. Breathing deep.........thinking of "happy place "........drinking a beer.......reading my Ebook reader....... driving my car......Oh shut up it's my" happy place" I can drink and drive and read if I want......I'm a Mother of four I can multitask that way!!!..........and while I'm at it I think I'll imagine myself 20 again!!!

Cockroach

2008-09-09T11:02:00.006-04:00

Me: Hellllo Von Cockroach

Cockroach: Vhat?.........Vhere?...............Me?

Me: Yes you

Cockroach: No no you mistake me I am .....(clears throat)..........Mr. Palmetto Bug.

Me: No what you are is a fuckin cockroach!

Cockroach: No No , you only think I'm a cockroach.......

Doorbell rings

Out of town Guest: "Hi !!!! We made it ,what a horrible flight , but we're so happy to be here with you in Florida. I was just........(screams)................WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!!!!!!!"

Me: "What...... that? Oh that just a Florida Palmetto Bug.....No big deal really. Just a little ole bug. Their really harmless."

I say out of the side of my mouth........."Oh I'm so gonna kill your nasty ass when they leave"

Cockroach with smirk smile " You can try."

Public Humiliation #5,483

2008-09-08T09:59:00.003-04:00

Background------2door,Red Pontiac Grand Prix Super Charged!! ( I love my car)

Set-up------ Me driving 87mph on interstate, every car in front of me is a challenge I. Must. Pass! full tank of gas, weaving in and out of traffic,windows down,radio blasting,me singing at the top of my lungs!!!
Doing all my Friday errands. Sure I received a few looks............

Go to get in my car that night and notice something not right.....

What's this?
Something hanging out of the trunk?
A white nylon strap from Prince C football pad hanging out,right in the middle, just brushing the ground........
WTF?!

You know, with as fast as I drive that strap had to be waving in the air behind my red car .........

I looked like a bloody huge tampon!!!!!!

Kudos to you Louisiana!!

2008-09-02T10:29:00.004-04:00

OK I'm not knocking Louisianians but.........
Everyones talking about how well prepared they were for Gustav.....
Really?!!
Are you fucking kidding me?!!
Come on ......
How could you not be after Katrina?!!
If you didn't get your ass out of the city after that big fuck fest I don't know what it would take to get them people moving.....
And Yea!!! The levees held?!!.........OK isn't that what they are there for?!

Now don't go thinking I'm unsympathetic to the plight of the people hit by Katrina..........I am....I realize what a tragedy it was.
It's just that if they can't take precaution after that I think maybe we would have had to cut them off......
Maybe vote them off the island, so to speak!!!!
Let them make their own country!!!!
What would they do?!
Storm Washington?!!!
They won't leave for a Hurricane why would they leave for that???
Anyway the point is they did leave and they were prepared and being from Florida I do realize how scary and devastating Hurricanes can be .
So good for them !!!!!!!

Oh and have you seen Hanna?!!
Shes weaving around like a drunk bitch trying to dance on the bar with Ike right up her ass!!!!

Kenny you rock me!!! The Concert

2008-08-30T12:00:00.103-04:00

Oh Kenny !!!
Don't look now but Creepy Kenny Clone is right behind you!!!

Bud Man and I are relatively sober ......for now!!
These are words to live by!!!Will the real Kenny please .....umm...sit down?!I said sit down.... not bend over !!!

Key West is in my Boobs!!

And to get to Nashville turn right at the sign .....then its just straight up my Hoochi

Working on my buzz

Party in the parking lot!!
If you look real hard someone brought a stripper pole!!
Oh yea!! Hold me back!! Cause you bitches will never get me off once I start!!

To the right is a long lane of traffic......

So of course my friend did what she could to help a weary traveler !!!

That sticker sure did get around
Boy!!!!!! You got dat crazy look in your eye!!

How the hell did it get here?!!

Oh yea I stuck it there!

Tongue time!!

Miranda Lambert Rocked It!!!

Ahhhh.....there's the buzz we were looking for all night!!!!

I seem to be empty....could you go get me a beer?

Bud Man did go get me a beer and was gone for an hour!!!

He got lost......hehehe.........apparently that drunk buzz wasn't really working to his benefit at the time....

Man was he pissed off when he finally found us again!!!

And he drank half my beer!!!!!

Ahhhh.....the reason we are here.....
Can you see him?

Can you??

Yea I couldn't really see him.......but man was I rockin out!!!

Just A Thought

2008-08-27T19:09:00.000-04:00

Have you ever tooted and had to squeeze every muscle in your body so it didn't unexpectedly turn into something else?

Ever done it in traffic and had to drive faster?

No?

Me either.........

Profile

2008-08-25T21:23:00.000-04:00

I check my profile every now and then just to see how many people have looked at it...........

I looked at it 4x in a row so it would get to 550...........

I know, I know I'm sad...........

LOST DOG

2008-08-24T05:24:00.002-04:00

Now first thing I want you to know is I really like animals!! Really!
We have had some pets though that I've just had to let go. We had two adorable Boston Terriers. The thing about these kind of dogs is they like to run. Nooooooobody wanted to walk the dogs. So the dogs decided to walk themselves. We had to bust them out of dogie jail twice. Then if they lost their collars we had to make fliers put them on every telephone post in our neighborhood. I actually lost sleep worrying about these dogs . Well I did love them. But maybe my love might be slightly shallow. Because when the season of cheering and football started my dogs rebelled. They started running away 2 or 3 x a DAY ...Bud Man and I would then argue about who would go pick up the dogs . Sometimes it was after we had been to field late kids need shower,snack and bed.(I'm trying to justify what comes next). After so long of this having to run and pick the dogs up all over town I.....................................................took their collars off. Then I only put up one flyer.Guess what we didn't find?........................ the dogs.

SURPRISE!!!!

SO ok not a big surprise to me but hey I'm only legally responsible for the children.

We have a new dog...... Her name is MOO MOO.

To many Staires???

2008-08-22T00:29:00.001-04:00

Fuck you Girl......I told you I couldn't spell!! While on vacation we stayed at the House of Stairs......bets were being taken to see who would injure themselves first, falling down the stairs. Bud Man and Mrs.D were the forerunners........

All those stairs .....122 to be exact.and Bud Man gets tipsy and trips on the threshold and rips his big toenail off......I know.... ewwww.....makes me shudder thinking about it.

The moral of this story.......... never bet on drunk people.....you just can't predict whats gonna happen!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-20T21:39:00.008-04:00

I was tagged by The Queen

Seven

Seven things I plan to do before I die

Hold my grand babies and Yes I will still be 29
Travel to a foreign country......and Canada doesn't count!!
Take a cruise. And I'm not talking about the wal-mart parking lot at Christmas time
Have a better relationship with my Mother and Father.........and my sisters.....and brother.....Pretty much my whole family........Hmmm is there a common denominator in this picture?
Own my own boat...even though I can mooch off my friends and not have to pay for it,dock it ,clean it,buy gas.....wait...never mind ....I think I'll just stick to mooching .

7 Things I can do

I can pump my own gas.....for all you people that wondered over from PinkPiddy
I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue.........stupid free drinks bar trick.
I can alienate my In-Laws 10 minutes after being with them.....Hmmmm I think this goes back to family relations problem. Or you could take my word for it...........It is all their fault!!!!
I can do lots of things. I'm sure I can.....it's just that every thing I think of sounds stupid like....Duh !! We can all do that!! So I'm going to quit this list and go on.

7 things I can't do

I can't pass for 21.......maybe 29.....OK you bitches.....I can't pass for 29 either!!! Jeesh I get it!!
I can't do sex on the bathroom floor, or the shower, or the backseat of a car, or .....you know what ? We'll just leave it at that!!
I can't have anymore babies....well technically I can But Bud Man shut his factory down so it's the same thing.
Apparently I can't follow directions cause I'm leaving this list at 4 and the first one at 5 .

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

Bud Man
Bud Man
Bud Man
Bud Man
Bud Man
Bud Man
Bud Man

7 things I say most often

Where's the damn phone?
Brush your teeth. ......With four kids I say this at least 30 times a day!!
Go ask your Dad...... I'm always willing to pass the buck.
Where's my eyeliner,brush,mascara?...... Teenage Girls....don't cha just love 'em?
Why?!!! Why would you____?...... Remember I have a 9yr old Boy!!
I love you ......... This is a must for a large family!!
I say Bitch allot.......but in a good way!!

7 Celebrity Crushes

Leo DiCaprio....Yea I call him Leo
Captian McHottie in the movie Transformer
Kurt Cobain....He was all like dirty hot and in pain.
Elijah Wood...I could spread him on toast and eat him up!!
David Grohl.....Who doesn't?!!! The mans a musical genius!!
Matt Damon....Mmmm thinking Bourne Idenity
Edgar from Deadliest Catch!!!!

7 people who need to do this

I told you people I don't follow direction very well!!

2008-08-19T11:34:00.002-04:00

HURRICANE FAYE........
HURRICANE PAR-TAY
We went to Bahama Shores Mamas last night for a Hurricane Party....sorry no pictures this time.....we drank some Hurricane drinks.
Whew!!! Can we all say RUM!! I got a little tipsy.......OK I was drunk!!
Damn her husband/bartender anyway!!

I Quit !!!!

2008-08-16T11:16:00.000-04:00

I quit ......

I quit smoking.....

I quit smoking my own......

I say if you come to my house with cigarettes .....I'm going to smoke them!!! And don't tell me no...your just trying to help me quit by not giving me a cigarette!!

You say " No look how good your doing . You can't start smoking now. I don't want to enable you."

"Shut up....you fucking hypocrite and give me the smoke.....you ain't my Jimminey Cricket!!!! Beside I'm not walking around in front of you eating Ho Hos talking 'bout your not hungry you just think you are....think about how healthier you'll be.............it'll be alright.....It's for your own good!!"

Bud Man has never smoked and doesn't know why I can't just......quit......put them down and never smoke again!!!

I say.....I don't know why you just can't quit eating non- healthy food.......just quit eating so much and lose weight!!!

See it's not that easy,beside my mama didn't raise a quitter!!!! But I'm doing the best I can!!!

8 things about me

2008-08-14T06:22:00.000-04:00

8Things about me

1) I refer to my girlfriends as Bitch , as a term of endearment

2) Eddie Money songs make me drive faster,the song Jukebox Hero gives me a rush,Fleetwood Mac Rumors album.....notice I said album because Cd's were not out yet......makes me wanna clean the house.....I should probably listen to that more huh?!!! Cat Stevens brings to mind my mother singing......I can still see her in my minds eye........

3) I sing in the shower.....LOUD! We have a door that goes directly to the pool area,and once as I was getting out of the shower .....singing at the top of my lungs .......I made eye contact with the Pool Guy.........and yes I was already wrapped in a towel!!!!!

4) Sometimes I fake the flu or whatever the current bug going around is , just so Bud Man will pamper me more ! Hey what can I say ? I don't get sick !! I have to fake it.

5) I don't pump my own gas....it's not that I don't know how .....Bud Man has Always done it for me

6) Chicken on the bone grosses me out.

7) Years ago I named my shower head......Shawn................ Enough said.

8) I love Big Boy trucks and coon smiles......it makes my Big Girl Panties wet!!!!..........good thing Bud Man has both!!!!!!!

Puking

2008-08-12T20:57:00.000-04:00

Prince C looks like he's giving some kinda secret gang sign!!
As I was taking Cheer Girl,and Sporty Girl to cheer practice Prince C wasn't feeling so hot. So I gave him my drink ....in a cup with ice and a straw. Then I thought he might get sick so I went to give him a empty cup , but as I was handing it back to him I hear.....URRRRG.......Rrrrralph!!!!!!!to late he started puking in the cup with ice!!! Girls screeching!!!!! car swerving !!! I immediately clamped hand over my mouth.....blahhhh...mlahhh.....those are the sounds of my breakfast trying to exit my stomach...fast. I turned into parking lot . All doors bust open....everyone jumps out!!! I start to throw up in the grass!!!
BLAHHH.....GET THE .....BLAAA......CUP! DUMP.....URHAAAAA.......it out!!!!!
Cheer Girl standing calmly by car texting......"I'm not touching it."
"Oh yes .........ahhhhh......YOU will!!!"
Now its just spit coming out but still the god awful retching won't stop!! Just a glimpse of puke chunks floating with the ice from the drink have me bent over!!!
Finally the kids get it taken care of. I get in the car as the older girls start to walk away.
I look down ............there in the drink holder is ..............."THE CUP"!
It gets worse!!!!
On the side was still a chunk!!!!!
That's all it takes ......I'm out of the car Puking for another 10 min!!!!

Good Morning To Me!!

2008-08-11T18:36:00.007-04:00

Party at The Keep!!!

the day after

The drink Station

Hang overs hurt more then they used to!!!

But I'd do it all over again!!!!!!

Lunch

2008-08-09T06:32:00.000-04:00

I had iTunes on the computer......lil' Kid Rock and Candlebox going....cleaning kitchen.....when Bud Man decided to look up something. Next thing I know Pooh Bear Rumbly in my Tummy was playing. WTF?! I waited.......and waited.......the song was almost over when I finally said
"Ummmm..........is that Pooh.......... singing Rumbly in my Tummy? "
" I don't know I accidentally pushed something and It started to play."He said with a smirk on his face.
"Oh good...... I thought maybe you were trying to tell me you wanted something to eat in your passive aggressive way."
As it turns out that's what he was doing!!!!!!!
I got admit .........I love his mind!!!!
Oh that Man of mine.

Long Long time ago!!!

2008-08-07T13:18:00.002-04:00

Lets play.........Long Long Time Ago!!!!! OK let's step back in time.....
Pleasing Procrastinator and I worked at a bar.......I know I know, we used to be Bar Wenches...go figure......Anyway.....When you work at a bar you kinda get territorial over the Jukebox
What plays
How many times something is played
When it's played
Now there are songs that get played that you have to let play 'cause people like them
Of course Bar Staff had the veto remote....and wasn't afraid to use it!!
Well one night as I was running my ass off.....it occurred to me that a song that I absolutely loath was playing .......Bohemian Rhapsody.........
Before you start in on me let me tell you a few facts.....
Any song you like , you will end up hating ,if you hear it to much.
Any song you Loath, you will end up looking for a gun to shoot the person responsible who played it!!!
Well this night I'd had ENOUGH!!!!
As I slammed my tray down next to PP , I defiantly looked around and said
"Who the FUCK keeps playing that song?!!!!!!!! It's driving me Bat Shit Crazy.......(betcha didn't know bat shit was crazy?)............I'm gonna kill someone!!! Help me find the jackass that's doing it , will ya?"
She looks around trying to pick who.
For the rest of the night I watched the Jukebox.........but somehow that fuckin song kept getting played!!!!!!
I was fit to be tied, even started asking the Regs to help me see who it was!!!
I never figured it out......hmmm........a mystery ........
Then
About a year later PP and I were Having some drinks and that song started to play.....as I looked around angrily...... I heard hehehehehe....giggle giggle.....coming from PP
In a small voice ...trying to sound innocent she says
"It was me that played that song, I love it"
Well what the hell could I say? She got me good! ..............But don't feel to bad for me I got her back.......That's a story for another time!!!!!!

I"m here!

2008-08-07T07:55:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone I'm still here I've been consumed with football,cheerleading,cheerleading,and cheerleading!!!
Don't forget me though I just have to get on track. School will be starting soon and then I'll have extra time!!! The kids will all be gone for the day , I'll be able to blog more then. And hopefully get my house in order cause ...whew.....it looks as if a tornado hit it!!!!

Rich Homeless Guy

2008-07-31T09:31:00.002-04:00

Bud Man and I were stopped at a red light. There was a homeless guy on the side of the street with a sign asking for money. I was feeling especially blessed so I told Bud Man to give him a dollar.......(I said I felt blessed not rich!!)

As Bud Man reached for his wallet he says to me with exasperation in his voice

"I'll give him a dollar but you know he probably makes more money then I do ."

"REALLY?!! Well don't your parents feel foolish for spending thousands of dollars on your collage education? Oh and by the way I'll make a sign for you tonight , I think I just found you a second job!!!"

QUESTIONS & MORE QUESTIONS

2008-07-28T21:06:00.000-04:00

This is one of my first post. I reposted (is that a word?) because football and cheer season has started and it never seems like enough time in the day soooooo I'm being lazy

These are the kind of pictures I find when my children have the camera. Let us take a closer look.

Is my son picking his ass?

The TV ...... is that Howdy Doody on?

And that exercise thing.......... Where in the hell did that come from?

OK stay with me things get a little strange from here.

Do you see it?? Do you? Yep that's a Christmas present on that table!!! It's May!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and beside it hanging on the chair.........the powder blue thing.......THAT'S A SKI JACKET!!!!!!!!!

People we live in Florida and I've never even been snow skiing!!!!!!!!!

OK,OK I can take a hint .........I'm going to clean up the garage.

P.S. My garage doesn't look like this any longer.......it's gotten worse....well I did tell ya all I'm lazy but I'm going to blame it on the kids because I'm the Mama ....and thats one of the perks of the job!!!

I can't spell!!

2008-07-26T09:40:00.005-04:00

I'm cruising around different blogs.........just checking them out and I found the coolest thing!!!
Noble Pig ---has spell check on the comment page......which is freaking awesome!!! Since I can't spell worth shit!!!!! I spell so bad ........my Spell Check can't even guess at the word I mean !!! I'm not kidding!!! It took me trying to spell REEVALUATE 3 times before it gave me the word I was looking for while writting a post.
I've had to change the whole word I was trying to spell or I just don't leave a comment. If being able to not spell was a real handicap........I'd be getting a check from the Government!!!
"Why don't you use your computer spell check?" You ask
Simple..............I'm way to damn lazy!!!!
And God-Forbid I holler out asking the KEEP at large how to spell something and my 9yr comes back with the answer....(yes I spell so bad even a 9 yr old can show me up)..........then for the next day I have to listen to
"Hehehe Mama.....Remember when you didn't know how to spell (word)?
and I had to help you? And it was sooooo easy!!!!"
My 9 yr son thinks I can't remember what just happen.This is how he starts most conversation. Remember that time......even if said time happened 5 min ago..........????
Anyway I Thank You Noble Pig ......you might be seeing more of me ,leaving comments with words like divestiture......Ummm which I have no idea what means....But I could use 'cause you have Spell Check on your comment page.Never mind I have no idea of punctuation....or the correct use of a word I will look smart leaving comments 'cause you have spell check and that is an AWESOME thing!!!!!

No Habla Englisz

2008-07-25T06:05:00.001-04:00

I was fooling around with the phone and programmed it to answer in Spanish.........just for shits and giggles.....what can I say I was bored!!!
Three days later Sporty Girl called me on my cell phone from a friends house.
"Mom where are you?!! "
"Home. Why"
"I can't get through to the home phone!!! I keep dialing the wrong number!"She says
"What you mean you don't know your home phone number?!!!!! Your 12yrs old.What?!! " I angerly ask
"I don't know I keep getting some Mexican man!!!"she tells me
"Mexican man? ....WTF?....Oh yea I remember now......"
hehehehe..................I got a good chuckle out of that.

Sing to me Willie!!!

2008-07-22T21:18:00.002-04:00

If the word fuck offends you...your gonna want to leave now!!!

To all the cars I've flipped off before
Who've traveled in and out my lane
I'm pissed they came along
I dedicate this Bird
You really are a jerk..........
To all the people that don't know how to drive....
I give you the One Finger Majestic Bird........FUCK YOU!!!!
People you can't multitask..let alone talk on the phone while looking at directions....and not even bothering to check to see if your in your own damn lane!!!!!!!!!!.......Yea take your half out of the middle!!!!!
We all live on planet Uisanass!!!
And 90yr old man..... if all I can see is the top of your head......... what the fuck can you see?!!! Nothing that's what. I specially like to cuss you people along with my salute 'cause your so old you can't hear me anyway!!! What the hell........ if I smile while I'm doing it you probably think I'm waving!!!
Well I'm not ....If your kids have to help you budget and pay your bills...Your to OLD to drive !!!!!!!.Stay the fuck home or get a job at Wal-mart...
And to you , you Bimbo bitch ....smoking a cigarette ,putting on lipstick,and bitching on the phone about why food stamps can't buy beer!!!
You shouldn't even be driving !! I don't feel safe with all the bad choices you've made in your life!!
"How do you know she's made bad choices?" You ask
"Well who in the fuck can't make up their mind what color hair they want so they decide Black roots,fried ,frizzy ,over colored bleach blond,and red on the tips!!! Who?!! People who shouldn't be driving that's who!!!!!"
And Fuck You "I make to much money" you think your car and you are all that..... and all us schmucks should just anticipate when you wanna turn. You make me want to follow you home and tell your wife you've been Boinking your Secretary!!!!! You who take up two parking spaces!!! If you want to know where the dent came from.....It came from me!!! Fuck Face!!!!
And you RICO SUAVEA............ If you were better looking with a bigger dick you wouldn't need a car that far outweighs your salary!!!!
And all you fucks that come from out of town...your the reason for the MINIMUM SPEED posting .....are you kidding me.....get off the damn road if your scared!!!!!!....Holding up Three lanes of traffic 'cause every time a car passes you, you flinch and swerve into the other lanes!!!!!!!
Trying to calm down
AwwwwwUmmmmm
Breathing deep......finding happy place!!!!
Breath in
Breath out
Fuck this I'm going to get a beer!!!!!!

Help I was Molested by a Portta Potty!!!!!

2008-07-21T10:37:00.006-04:00

We,Double D,Neurotically Yours, Bud Man & I went to the Taste of Pinellas County.For those of you that don't know, the local restaurants come and sell samples of their food for tickets. They sell you tickets to buy food in the hopes that by the time you pay for your food you'll have forgotten that the tickets are $ 2 a piece and that slice of pizza was 4 tickets and beer is 2 tickets and maybe you can't do the math and you'll just throw your tickets on the counter top and ask how much can I get with that? Well I've seen some of the people that go so maybe their not that far off.
Anyway they book bands and give it a festive air..........Fri. Sat. Sun. with a headliner each night.
The night we went it was .............................Rick Springfield!!!!!!!
Oh Yea......Paging Dr. Noah Drake !!!!! Jealous huh????
Bud Man was able to get us some V.I.P tickets, free food, free beer,free beer , free beer. Sweet! And we had V.I.P Portta Pottys. Oh this is fantastic!!!! Free beer,outdoor concert,free beer,selection of food ,free beer, the ocean breeze,free beer, the private pottys not used by the masses of hot stinky, sweaty people!!! Oh Yez Izs Lovz being Vip people!!!!!!
We picked a table out in our Vip area right on the water and by the PP's. So we,Neurotically Yours and I can keep a eye on them,So we could judge which one to use. We even directed Double D and Bud Man to the next in line potty from the one we had deemed ours. Have I told you about Neurotically Yours? Well she's............neurotic!! I act like all this matters to me but really friends I'm a piss whore.....I'll give it up anywhere, In a bucket on a boat,in the bushes by the road ,in the middle of a corn field while its raining,in between cars in the mall parking lot.....Pretty much anywhere!!!! ................(Am I sounding like Dr.Susse?)
We'd reevaluate the suitability after each time it was used. Overweight man with food on his shirt hurriedly enters in PP for over 10min........that PP is no longer acceptable!!!! Even I..... the Piss Whore will pass on this one!!!
I said Piss Whore.....not Nasty Whore!!!! Ewwwww
As the night rolls on I was feeling quite satisfied with life........
Drinking beer , the salty breeze,talking to good friends...
Rick was on stage belting out some very thought provoking lyrics......"Don't talk to strangers!!!!!" Mmmmm....good advice Rick and so true.........your a genius!!!!.......oh and did you ever get Jessys Girl??
I heard shes a stripper at Mons Venus......
and turning tricks on the side....
turns out Jessys a Pimp...
he had more then one girl.....
you should go check it out.
Anyway sitting by the water and drinking lots of beer..... I used the PP's alot!! But now its gettin dark and there is no light in these things!!! And I have night blindness......So as I step into the PP....Something doesn't seem right........Hmmmm.......maybe if I step out I can see better..........no....well maybe if I open the door all the way and stand behind it so the light from beer trailer will shine in it.........no.......well I guess I could...
"What are you doing?" Neurotically Yours ask
"Nothing" I reply sheepishly....Feeling stupid and quickly going about my business.
And that's when it happen!!!!!!!!
SPLAT ........................that's the sound of my ass and my hoochi hitting a closed lid !!!!!!
What the fuck does a Portta Potty need a lid for?!!!!!! Why!! I have to know!!!! Whats the purpose? It isn't even a tight fit....It's about 3 in higher then the seat............so when my ass and hoochi hit .....they hit hard!!!!
I felt violated and dirty......
I was stunned and grossed out....Ewwww
But I still had to go pee.....
I couldn't go screaming into the night....
had to stay and finish my business......
There was nothing to do after that but drink copious amounts of beer to try to erase the feeling of the seat making contact with my hoochi!!!!!!!
Beer helped ..............................And as I was falling asleep that night I got to thinking..................about the workers ........that would come and clean the PP in the blaze of the morning Florida sun and see
My ass and hoochi smudge print on the lid!!!!!!!!
It made me feel better to know someone else would feel as grossed out as me!!!!
I know ........I know.......
I'm like that!!!!!!!!

EVER GO TO SOMEONES HOUSE

2008-07-19T22:51:00.001-04:00

Ever go to someones house ---use the restroom.............then go through the cabinets?..........me either.

Ever go to someones house ---------use the bathroom,then go home and just as your about to fall asleep you start wondering if you flushed the toilet?........No? ..........maybe it's just me.

Reciepe for Love!!

2008-07-18T13:44:00.003-04:00

OK ladies I thought I'd share a recipe with ya that I got from my summer reading!!
"What........a recipe?"
I know.........I'm not good at recipes but this one promises to be good Really good!!!!
OK let's clear the room...........
"All the uptight ladies leave in
3
2
1
Cum Sweetener !!!!!!
2 cups fresh squeezed OJ (like I'm ever gonna squeeze my own OJ)
6 hulled strawberries (does this mean cleaned and cut?)
1/4 cp blueberries
1 cp peaches sliced
1 banana
1tbs powered sugar
4 ice cubes
Blend on high
That's right a recipe to make your man's Love Lava,Snake Oil,his Liquid Love ,his Astronaut Juice taste better!!!!!

Bud Man has graciously agreed to be the Guinea Cock.......I mean Guinea Pig for this experiment. Oh don't even act like you don't need a recipe like this 'cause we've all done it or least tried it once. And I bet not one of ya were like "Mmmmmmm....Damn that is good. What do you mean I have to wait 20 min for more?!!!!!"

I think we found out that 20min was a lie!!!! But it doesn't all have to be a lie........
Try it.......Who knows !!!!!!!!

The book I got this from is called Tickle his Pickle

Awards

2008-07-17T20:52:00.004-04:00

Mrs. Snooty Primadona Pink Piddy Paws
Holy Crappers
Random Thoughts

I bitch

I ........get awards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was just bitching about awards and everybody took pity on me and gave me one!!!!

I love the bloggy World!!!

These mean soooo much!!!!! I feel like Jan Brady....They like me ...They really really like me!!!!( Is it sad that they mean even more 'cause I was the first to get them in my circle of "i know them " blog friends?!!......or am I just a bitch?!!!!)

Yea that's what I thought !!!!

Anyway Thank you......I'll be giving these bad boys out soon..........

.........to be continued

Wordless Wednesday

2008-07-16T09:52:00.000-04:00

What happen to my shampoo?

2008-07-15T10:15:00.004-04:00

I got in the shower this morning and went to shampoo my hair, as I squeezed out the shampoo .....it's mostly water!!!!!............those damn kids..(yes I turned into the villain in a scooby doo cartoon)..
So I got to thinking who was in the shower last?......My first thought is....Prince Charming
His last shower was...........
he showered when we went to................
Hmmmmm...that's funny I can't remember the last time he showered.
When I got out, I asked him
"When was your last shower?"
"What?".......he's buying time............a trick he learned from his Dad
"When is the last time you showered?"
"Oh yea........I was going to shower last night........but.......I ......mumbling"
"When?!"
" I don't know"
Now Bud Man steps up to help him out.Guess he figures being the only two males in the Keep of Women they should stick together.
"Didn't you take one Friday?".......which is still 4 days ago!!!
I guess it was a male bonding moment between them 'cause Prince C says
"Oh yea that's right"
Now don't they know by now that my Super Powers include knowing when anyone in the family is lying?!!!
SIGH..loudly......
I'll have to let this one slide.
But on the bright side Prince C was in the pool. Chlorine cleaned him....right?
Well that's what I'm going with!!!
Oh yea...I still don't know who watered my shampoo!!!

It's my Birth Day

2008-07-14T08:43:00.010-04:00

Great picture huh?

Today's My Birth Day!!!
Yup......I've been around for 29yrs
Shut Up!!!!!!
Stop Laughing!!!!!!
OK OK ..that's why I quit calling it a Birth Day and more of an anniversary...........
It's my 10th Anniversary of my 29th Birth Day!!!!
I know there are those of you that will say Why lie about your age?......Your beautiful just as you are and I say BULLSHIT!!!.....Probably the bitches with Indian Blood and their whole body is hanging on their cheekbones!!Well I say no one in my family screwed over or screwed a Indian....much to my dismay!!!!! ..My dismay is that I don't have enough Indian blood not the screwed over thing!!!!!
Damn my slow lazy ass ancestors.........
Anyway those bitches that say.......I never lie about my age........I'm proud of how old and how good I look....are married to a plastic surgeon or they have money to afford plastic surgery.........Money makes you look younger then you are.You don't believe me?...............Well just send me your money and watch the years roll off my face!!!! You send me enough and me and Cheer Girl will be looking like the Judds!!!! "Grandpa tell me bout the good old days"
Those sick bastard that say "Grow old gracefully" don't know me. They don't know that I'm a bitch and I fight anything!!!!! I intend to fight this with everything I got........
People find out it's your Birthday..and ask your age....like that's OK......
What the fuck is wrong with these people?!!!!! Didn't their mama teach them any rules....there are 3 rules everyone should teach their children
#1.....Never NEVER ask a woman her age!
#2.....Never ask a man how much money he makes!
#3.....Never ask anyone how much they paid for something!
Three rules to live by.Simple
And those bitches that ask how old I am and then figure out the math of how many years I am older then they are........
"Oh your alot older then I am" They say
.............I say "And yet our kids are the same age..........wow you must've been having sex at a really young age..........You fuckin slut!!!!"..........hmmm can you tell that has happen to me before?!!
Well here's the unvarnished truth......for those of you who didn't do the math at the top ...........
I am 39!!!!!!

I have questions

2008-07-13T08:45:00.003-04:00

I have questions about my bloggy friends.

First question goes to Holy Crappers

How in the hell do you keep a secret?!!!

I don't have any secrets because I tell all (much to the delight of Bud Man).......I can't keep a secret!!!(just ask Pleasing Procrastinator)

Sometimes I don't even mean to tell.....it just sorta pops out.

I don't know how you keep the blog a secret.

I talk to my friends about it all the time.

And now here is the really important question for Holy Crappers

How....Oh how....do you intend to explain how you know Pleasing Procrastinator and myself when we show up at your house to party with ya all?!!!!!

Question for Ask Grandma J

Why are there no pictures of you?

Do you look like Grandma from Walton's Mountain?...... home baked cookies and pies...grinding your own flour to insure your family has the best?!

Do you look like Two N a Half Men grandma?..........all Hot and miniskirtishs?!! hm mm I don't think that's a word but you get my point.

How about if you show us just your eyes like Wilson from Home Improvement?

See all the TV references....that's why I don't watch it anymore!!

Next question goes to Pink Piddy Paws

How do you have such a well adjusted break-up?

Your so nice....to nice.

You should be driving by his house 50x a night

Slashing tires if he's home with someone Else!!!

Calling his friends to "chat"....secretly finding out if he's miserable!!!

Better yet you should be dating his friends!!!

Come on I'll pick you up and we'll go grab some beer and stake-out his house...I mean hunt him down......no no I mean check on him...YEA!!!!!..(Jumping up fist punching into air above my head....looking like Tom Cruise on Dave Letterman)

Ouch I think I hurt myself.....maybe we should just blog about it some more.

In case your wondering I'm just kidding....calm down. I would never do anything like that...till it's me....Then it's a whole new ball game!!

I hope I didn't offend anybody with these Questions

I don't know why Pink Piddy Paws questions are so small!

2008-07-12T11:46:00.005-04:00

BAM!!!!!

Take that Pleasing Procrastinator

What now Huh?!!!

I say get your ass in the car and bring me my corn!!!!!!>

WTF Friday

2008-07-10T23:06:00.007-04:00

OK What the fuck are all these "awards"?!!!!! How can I get one? Do I kick ass or kiss ass? Cause I'm a ass kissing bitch!!!! IDK You show me the ass and I'll kiss it. I love kissing cybor bloggy ass...mmmmm...

MAYAW.......SMOOCH........hey doesn't smooch kinda look like scotch......yummy scotch.....on the rocks......(mouth salivating....licking lips)......wha...what were we talking about? Oh yea "Awards"

Can I make up my own?

I have print shop I'm sure I can whip something up.I think I'll call it

"Beer N Cheese " award

because there ain't nothing in life that you do or eat that Beer N Cheese can't make it better! That's the truth....Really think about it....

Your having a shitty day what do you do about it ? BEER!!!

Your eating a nasty hot dog what do you need ? CHEESE!!

Trust me friends I've put some thought into the whole Beer n Cheese thing ...it works ...it really does!!! You let me know what you think about this theory.

******20 min later*********

Sooooo it turns out I can whip up a pretty decent looking Award ................but then I can't figure out how to get it to my blog.

maybe a little to much Beer N Cheese for me?

Well shit looks like I'll be waiting for someone else's "Award"!!!!

Get it if you have the Beer N Cheese award you can't do any better?!!!

Who's on top?

2008-07-10T21:51:00.001-04:00

They say you burn ...250 calories during sex

Now friends I've got to tell you I love BUD MAN any shape I can get him.....

But really.... does this picture beg the question.......

Who's on top?!

Side note : this picture was taken last Christmas and to be fair this has to be one of Bud Mans most unflattering shirts!!

2008-07-10T06:10:00.000-04:00

Went to a birthday party at Bahama Shores Mamas and was talking to Neurotically Yours about pictures from our vacation. She said she had a really bad picture of me , and Double D said you need to post that on your blog. She says no I couldn't do that to her and I just want to say
Thank You!!
Your my hero!!
Oh and remind Double D I have a picture of his ass
Not him being an ass
His actual ass!!!!!
He might want to consider bloggy etiquette .

2008-07-09T09:30:00.029-04:00

8 kids
7 days

6 adults
10hr drive
WE SURVIVED!!!

We had a great time on Lake Norris TN. The lake House was beautiful. The only thing was it had a lot of steps. 122 steps. From the very top of the loft to the bottom of the boat dock. My legs were burning like a bitch after that first day!!!! Just as I was about to get to the main level I'd have to take a break. Neurotically yours and I came up the steps together and did some heavy breathing in the kitchen for about 15 min. I just want to point out that Neurotically Yours is younger then I ,and nevered smoked and is in just as bad shape as me.
Does this make you feel better about yourself? ....you ask

HELL YEA !!!! Hey if it takes my friends looking as weak ass as me then I'm OK with that.

Here's a chart our smart ass kids started to keep track of how many times someone fell down the staires. This pic was taken in the beginning of the week so not a lot of marks on it. Believe me it had more by the time we left!

Ahhh the mighty men on cooler patrol.....Have you ever seen so many testosterone flying around as when men are getting the cooler full of ice and beer?

Hmmm....you may be right ....Cooking on the grill is definitely testosterone time #1.

Poor Bud Man........just plain tuckered out from getting and drinking the beer......keep your eye on the hat friends it keeps coming back!

Another tuckered man!!! Trying to hide....peek a boo!!!

The ladies and I decided to do a little line dancing so we put a video in.

And damn if that didn't excite the hell out of Double D. ( I have to admit I find myself hard pressed not to spank that bononcka donk of Neurotically Yours too) Oh and look at the perfect form I have!!

Let the drinking games begin!!!!

Neurotically Yours is shifting the blame.....she must have been losing!

I think the spirit of a dead hillbilly was living in the hat and possessed the wearer!!!!!............A angry hillbilly!!!

This is what we drove home in almost the whole way ....and friends I felt close to Jesus....I did.....I could have performed a miracle myself!!!

What miracle?....you ask

If I'd had a lump of coal I could have shoved it up my ass and made a diamond.........cause I was so fucking uptight coming off that mountain in the rain.....even Bud Man ask if I might need a Loopy pill!!!!

Neurotically Yours has a slide show with more pictures.....I might be a little to BLOND to figure out how the slide thing works

I'M BACK

2008-07-06T13:25:00.002-04:00

We had a GREAT time! Before I post any stories and pictures (oh yea I've got pictures) I'm gonna catch up on reading all your blogs first!!!

VACATION IS HERE!!!!

2008-06-27T10:14:00.002-04:00

Vacation time is here!!!!!!!!!
My plans you ask. Here's what I got so far for my days
Drink Mimosa or Bloody Marys for breakfast (after all it has juice so it counts!)
Float a little on the lake
Drink
Eat
Float
Play Some games with http://neuroticallyyoursinflorida.blogspot.com/ Neurotically Yours. Let her win(you know how competitive she is!!)
Drink
Pass out...........I mean go to sleep!!
Do it all over the next day!!!
Nothing like Disney Land for grown ups!!!!!!
I'll fill ya all in on the details when I get back....July 6